Japan Is Siberia for You

Here he was suddenly bursting out laughing apropos of nothing, with noticeable tears in his eyes. I was totally perplexed by his fit of laughter and thought that Japanese antagonism might have made him a raving lunatic. Ergo, I asked him in a wary manner, “What is going on, Jorgito? Are you still in a right mind?”

“I’m oaky, I’m okay, amigo… sorry… I’m just… you know… I’m just wondering how you’ve been surviving under the suffocated climate for such a long time. No offence, amigo, but if I were in your shoes, I would have already committed suicide, to be sure. How could you keep on sustaining under the offensively rigid rules of Japanese society? Shogo, how could you prevent yourself from losing your mind? For the love of God, would you please leave goddamn Japan immediately? You know, amigo, Japan is Siberia for you, and Japanese will be caning you if you don’t escape forthwith, ha-ha-ha….”


I Am Wide Awoken Now

He must have felt umbrage at the Japanese social snub, because he was talking to himself aloud and walking on the street to and fro, blandishing his right fist toward heaven riotously, like Don Quixote was slashing invisible giants. I was a bit intimidated by his raging performance, so I said as tenderly as possible in order to placate his outrage, “Amigo, please calm down. I know why you’re outraged, but you have to understand you are not in Mexico; you are in Japan. This kind of foolishness is everywhere; this is the way how things work in Japan unfortunately.”

“Don’t give me that malarkey!” he roared. “Why, amigo? Why didn’t the jackass allow us to come along with Gerardo? It was so stupid! In Mexico we can go together to wait for friends and so can other countries, except fucking Japan! I’ve knocked about many countries in my life but never seen anywhere, such lackluster people like Japanese! To tell the truth, amigo, at first I didn’t understand why you hate your own country and fellow countrymen so much. And I thought Japan was a very beautiful country. Above all, I was extremely impressed by Japan, where everything is organized perfectly, for example, trains always come on time, impressive skyscrapers, streets are clean and even, immaculate toilets with an ass washer, and so on and so forth. However, only ten days is enough for me to uncover the real Japan. Amigo, I am wide awoken now – I can no longer stand fatuous Japanese anymore. I’m starting to hate Japan to my guts and sick of Japanese frivolities; Japanese are endlessly talking about rules, you know…. Everywhere I go, they are forever talking about rules, rules, rules… damn it! Their narrow-mindedness makes me puke. Besides, Japanese rigid rules of social behavior suffocate me to death. I’ve never thought that Japan is as tough nut to crack, as you’ve described, but I do now. And you’ve always told me about the regimented unemotional Japanese social system which is accepted, without question, by most people. I’m telling you, as God is my witness, you’re out-and-out right about it, amigo!”

What a Jerk! It’s Unbelievable!

Gerardo demanded that we needed to research a good night club on internet and declared that he would never allow another failed night adventure. Thereupon, we decided to go to an internet café in order to find a nice night club in Tokyo.

As we entered an internet café, a receptionist told us that we had to make a membership card if we wanted to use internet. Gerardo and Jorgito were enraged with his balderdash and vociferated that they would never pay for making a membership card, since they would use it only once, no more. However, the receptionist did not listen to our reasoning and stuck to the established rule like an inflexible butler. Finally, we gave in, and Gerardo insisted that he would be the one to use internet.

The upshot was that the receptionist warned us that Jorgito and I were not allowed to come along with Gerardo, because we did not make a membership card. Gerardo was disconcerted and told us to wait for him outside, with a twisted smile. It was the last straw for Jorgito, and he yelled at the top of his lungs, “What a jerk! It’s unbelievable!”

With that, he stormed out like an incensed bull.


Japanese Dive Me Crazy!”

As we arrived at a strip club, we were crestfallen to see that it was closed. Jorgito was beyond exasperation and cried out in distress, “Amigo, I can’t believe in this stupid country. How come? I just want to enjoy the night life – that’s all. Why does the simplest thing become the most complicated thing in Japan? In Mexico everything is very easy, and people are so friendly. If I want to enjoy a night life, it’s very easy for me to find a great place, like snapping fingers. But alas, fucking Japan! I felt like being insulted again tonight. Why, man? Why on earth can’t I have fun at a whorehouse? Because I am Mexican? And to cap it all, only one strip club in Pontocho is fucking closed! It’s too much! In addition, why the hell does Japan have a lot of conversation clubs? Who cares about stupid talking except repulsive Japanese pricks? Christ, Japanese dive me crazy!”

As a result, we changed a plan and decided to go to a night club. We found out that there was only one night club in Pontocho. It was called WORLD. As we sailed into the night club, we were destined to witness another horror. We were utterly speechless and opened our mouth by the initial shock. We could not comprehend anything; there were only three Japanese dumbbells who were dancing on the dance floor, and they seemed shockingly intoxicated. Gerardo was thunderstruck by a hollow sphere and remarked in a petrified voice, “Oh my God, oh my God! What the fuck is this? Only three gays are dancing, with scandalously disgusted expressions on their faces. Shogo, I must confess that my eyes have just casted on the worst night club on the face of this earth! Don’t expect I’ll chunk out my stallion for nothing!”

Bustled around Kyoto

We were extremely busy like a business executive in Kyoto. We had only two days to explore there, and their parents wanted to visit every famous place. Hence, we had no time to lose – we took a cab to move from place to place. We bustled around Kyoto until their parents were satisfied. We managed to pay a visit to all popular places, such as Kiyomizu-dera, Kinkaku-ji, Ginkaku-ji, Ryoan-ji, Heian Jingue, Kyoto Imperial Palace, Sento Imperial Palace, Katura Imperial Villa, Shugaku-in Imperial Vila, etc.

In the night we, three of us, embarked upon a journey of a night adventure as usual. We were sailing on the streets of Pontocho cheerfully. We were informed that Pontocho is a traditional nightlife district. Wherefore, we were very sure of our success in the Kyoto undertaking. As a matter of fact, as soon as we started marching on the street of Pontocho playfully, we saw a sign of a brothel information center. We took it as a good omen and thought that our time finally came. With high expectation, we entered the information center. But alas, we soon had to face another inhospitable fact: every whorehouse did not allow foreigner to enjoy their services. Gerardo and Jorgito were discriminated again. A pimp suggested us in a matter of fact tone that there is only one strip club, so we should try. Or we should go to a conversation club.