I Am a Pariah Among Japanese

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I went to my favorite café, where I can be at peace without being disturbed. Whenever I want to contemplate something important, I come here. As soon as I ordered coffee, I ascended the stairs to the second floor and found a table in front of a transparent window to sit on there pondering over their proposals. It is so strange that Jorgito and Ramon have offered exactly the same proposal on the same day. I am sure that it is not just a coincidence, but it is something. Can it be the sign from the heaven, perhaps? Who knows? But what am I going to do once I am in Mexico? Of course, I want to write my book there, but I have still no idea what my book is going to be like and how to begin. I did a little sketch, but it is nothing. Moreover, I can speak only basic Spanish, which I have never seriously learned in my past adventures in Mexico. Their proposal sounds wonderful to me though. I had focused on going back to Vancouver exclusively, so I had been totally blind and had been unable to see the possibility for writing my book in Mexico. Yes, I have good friends over there. If I stay in Japan, I will be dejected and will not produce anything worthwhile, because one must be happy and content if he wants to write a good book. Living in Japan makes me feel useless and an utter failure. Nobody understands what I am doing every day. I have been completely isolated and ostracized from Japanese society; I am a pariah among Japanese. Furthermore, it is a matter of time, money will be running out, and I will have to take a fucking job again. I have to avoid falling in such a humiliating situation again with all possible considerations. I do not waste my precious time anymore and do not feel isolated anymore. I am not a chip of wood; I am a human being with feelings. Therefore, I sometimes need friends to have a heart to heart talk with! Besides, it is time for me to do something to change my life radically and to do something worthwhile with my life. Maybe, it will be a good idea for me to stay in Mexico with my friends to enjoy my life and ruminate about writing earnestly for a while. But if I cannot find a job over there, what am I going to do? And how long am I able to stay there? Maybe, I have to think about unforeseen problems later. Yes, just go there and worry about them later! Can’t you see the bright side of your future? Think about how lucky you are, idiot! How many people on this earth are lucky enough to be offered such a wonderful proposal and how many people on this planet are lucky enough to have such wonderful friends: a few. You are a lucky bastard, Shogo! All my friends want me to write my book and help me to achieve my goal. The rest is depending on you. Yes, I want to go to Mexico! I must go there to change my miserable life into happy life, a chapter of my new life. I will learn a little Spanish, perhaps? It does not matter whether I can find a job or whether I can start writing my book over there; the most important thing is that I should not miss this golden opportunity. I do not know whether I will be offered such a wonderful proposal in the future; it might be my last chance. Yes, what are you waiting for? Are you afraid of taking a risk? What risk? You have been already doomed here, idiot! Mexico is your last option to escape from the inferno! Just make up your mind and do not miss the opportunity!

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Human Beings Have Each Own Feelings

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He was lapsing into silence for a full minute and resumed, “Let me explain why I treasure friendship above all everything. Because if my marriage was over, and I had no friends, I would be totally alone. As you witnessed the incident, it is fucking difficult to work out the marriage, you know, so anything will occur in the future. If I want to continue the marriage, and she doesn’t want to continue it, I can’t do anything for it, because human beings have each own feelings. If a person doesn’t feel the same way as I do, I can’t do anything to change it, because human feelings are not compelled to change. It’ll be against nature, you know. But when I have friends, I won’t be alone. And they’ll help me to get my feet back on life. As a matter of fact, the first person I’ll count on is you, bitch, you know. I always think that if my marriage can’t work out, I should visit you in Japan and stay at your house. You know, I can be a pimp for Japanese brothel, ha-ha-ha…. That’s why I always go out when my friends invite me to drinks or something else. If I always refuse to go out with my friends, they’ll stop inviting me and cease to be my friends. I can’t afford to lose my friends, you know…. By the way, Carlos called me and wanted to talk with me about the incident. I have to see him around 7:00 p.m. As you know, he is my boss and my friend, so I guess he’ll understand my part, but to be candid with you, I’m a wee bit worried about the inevitable meeting. Hence, I’ll ask you to pray for me the very first time in my pimp life. Please pray for me, with a hand on your heart, bitch!”

Getting Worried

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The following morning we went to Starbucks to have morning coffee. Over the breakfast, Ramon said that it was my turn to give him advice to solve out the problem. I told him that I totally understood his part of not wanting his merriment to be spoiled by her reproach, but he should have answered her call last night. He had better admit that it was his fault for not answering her call, because she was genuinely worried about him. And also I suggested that he should talk to her as soon as possible. He told me that he would try to talk to her, but she was extremely mad at him, so he did not think that she would listen to his reasoning.

It was a Sunday afternoon. The mighty sun was blazing ferociously above me, and beads of perspiration were constantly on my forehead. It was still in April, but I felt as though it were mid-Summer. Ramon and I were returning to the apartment from Mamita Beach on foot. He started making clean breast of his anxiety, “Bitch, I’m starting to worry about the situation. I talked to Patricia. She was still being mad at me and didn’t listen to my reasoning. She is constantly reproaching my past conducts. I really don’t think that the marriage will be over because of the fucking one night incident; it would be fucking ridiculous. However, I’m getting worried that if the marriage is over, I’ll lose my job to boot. As you know, I’ve been working for Carlos, who is her brother in-law, so if I’m forced to divorce, it’ll be goddamn awkward for me to continue working for him.”

This Is the Marriage

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Coming back to the inside, he uttered, “You look fucking scared, bitch. Don’t worry about it. She’ll come back, I know. To be frank with you, this is not the first time; this is the second time for her to storm out the apartment like a furious hurricane. The last time she came back three days after the incident. This time will take more time for her to calm down according to judging her level of resentment. In short, I expect it’ll take a week for her to come back. Christ, you still look worried, bitch. I’m really sorry for this, but what can I say? This is the marriage, you know….”

“But I’m still worried, for she looked like a quite determined,” I said nervously.

He hopped on the bed, undressed, and replied, “No problem, bitch. Time will make her calm down. She’ll eventually come to her sense and come back to the apartment. She’ll be staying at her sister’s apartment, so don’t worry. As I told you, it might take a week for her to calm down on this time, so we have a whole week to enjoy our night adventures without interrupting, ha-ha-ha….”

Pause.

Here he suddenly raised his eyes heavenward, tilted his jaw higher, opened his arms horizontally, thrust his bare chest forward, and sang a ballad poignantly like an opera singer, as if only heaven were his solo audience:

Don’t worry, bitch! This is marriage. I can

Handle it. Oh yeah, I can handle it. She’ll

Eventually come back. Oh yeah, Just a

Matter of time, she’ll come back….

After finishing his improvising performance, he said downheartedly, “Let’s sleep, bitch. I’m fucking exhausted. I just want to have a good sleep tonight. I’ll think about it tomorrow. Good night, bitch, everything will be ducky.”

He Is No Longer a Single Man

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It was past 3:00 a.m. when we arrived at his apartment. Ramon whispered, “I guess Patricia is being mad at me, because she called me over twenty times; I didn’t pick up my fucking mobile phone. But don’t worry, Shogo, I know how to handle the situation. It’ll be a little awkward for you to watch a forthcoming drama, but trust me, everything’s goanna be okay.”

When we entered the apartment, Patricia was agitatedly walking on the living room to and fro. As soon as she saw us, she said with a straight face, “Shogo, please give us for a moment.”

And then she and Ramon disappeared into the bedroom.

I was feeling uneasy, because I have seen Patricia’s indignant expression toward Ramon a number of times but not like this. Her grave look made me unsettled and gave me foreboding. Anxious twenty minutes had elapsed since they were vanished – suddenly, the door was wide open. Patricia was storming out the bed room with her belongings; behind her, Ramon was standing with a despairing look, like a candle flickers in wind and is about to be extinguished. She approached me and explained solemnly, “Shogo, I’m sorry, this is happening in your first night of visitation, but I have to do it. Ramon needs to think of the marriage more seriously and needs to commit himself to the marriage for the better. He needs to understand that he is no longer a single man; he is a married man. I’m really sorry, but I can’t stay under the same roof with him anymore. Don’t worry, Shogo, your friend will be here, and this is your house.”

With that, she was walking out the apartment. Ramon was chasing after her and was about to call her name, but he gave up and let her go with a crestfallen face.