I Wanted to Express My True Feelings

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A couple of weeks later, my professor gave back our essays to us. I was extremely curious what grade she gave me. At my great surprise, instead of giving me a grade on the last page, she just wrote: To see me.

When I entered the English department, she was expecting me. She brought a chair and asked me to sit down. As soon as I sat on the chair, I began studying her desk. Lo and behold, there was an over-sized James Joys’ poster was pasted on the wall right before her desk. She was writing something on her note and then turned back to me. She looked at my eyes squarely and said, “Do you know why I’ve asked you to see me?”

“You want to talk with me about my essay, I assume.”

“Yes, I actually need to talk to you. I’ve read your essay a couple of times. In fact, I’ve spent a considerable time on it. I just want to know why you wrote it in this specific way.”

“Just because I want to express my true opinions, instead of writing what you want to hear.”

Her face became serious, and she begun cross-examining, “What do you mean? And why did you quote from Henry Miller? Why did you talk about James Joyce in this unfriendly fashion?”

“I just wrote my true opinion about James Joyce. What’s wrong with that? Am I forbidden to write what I truly feel? Furthermore, what is wrong with me to quote from Henry Miller? He was a great writer. I quoted from him, for his opinions of James Joyce happened to agree with mine. You said that I had to quote from some credible statements to support my opinions; therefore, I quoted from Henry Miller.”

“Sure, sure, of course, there is nothing wrong with you to quote from Henry Miller, who was a great writer, and so was James Joyce; nevertheless, I totally disagree with your opinions. Besides, you didn’t use any statements and opinions what I’ve taught you in class. Why is that?”

“Because I’ve been sick of writing what you want to hear. I wanted to express my true feelings.”

“Shogo, you don’t care about your grade, do you?”

“Nope. I don’t care anything about grade.”

“I’m just beginning to know you….”

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Do You Love Writing?

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I had been already sick of attending the college. Every time I was assigned to write an essay, I had to write what my professors wanted to hear, so that I could pass courses. I had been thinking what would happen if I wrote what I truly think. For that reason, I had decided to undertake writing an essay with all my sincerity. Several days later, I had finished writing the essay. While I was reading it at the college library, my French classmate approached me and asked, “Have you finished your essay?”

“Yes, I did. As a matter of fact, I’m reading it right now.”

“Can I read it, so that I can get some idea for mine?”

“No problem at all. Here we go,” I handed over it to her.

From the moment she started reading my essay, she was thoroughly immersed in it, as if she were gone to another world. It was curious for me to watch that she was totally forgetting herself and engrossing in it. After she finished reading it, she inquired with a bright smile, “Do you love writing?”

I was so astonished by her direct question and mattered, “How do you know?”

“It’s so obvious. Nobody can write such a passionate essay, except a person who loves writing.”

“Yes, I admit you’re perfectly on the right track. I love writing with all my heart.”

“Where did you get the ideas?”

“I don’t know. I just wrote what I sincerely felt, that’s all.”

She said innocently, smiling, “I guess you should be a writer.”

Her innocent words made my heart afire. I could not control my passion anymore and started blubbering, “To be candid with you, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. As a matter of fact, I’ve considered going to Paris in order to find a publisher someday. I truly think that France will appreciate my writing.”

She was laughing amusingly and suggested, “Let’s go to a café. We should talk.”

“Yes. I love the idea. Allons-y!”

From that day on, Daniel and I became good friends to each other.

Start Walking on My Private Destiny

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Jorgito and I share everything with each other without any secrets. Consequently, I willingly disclosed him about the cardinal episode to the last detail. It was seven years ago….

I had been attending the college in Vancouver and taking an English literature course. I was dumbfounded with my professor, for what she had been teaching in the classroom was totally unfamiliar with me. Besides, I was enormously disgusted with the atmosphere of the place and stupidity of the curriculum.

One day she came to the classroom with excitement, for she was going to teach us her favorite writer, James Joyce. It was too much for me to witness her frivolous teaching. She stressed extremely unimportant passages and asked us to interpret them. The most preposterous behavior was that when she heard a student saying what she loved to hear, she shouted deliriously, “Bravo!” in unduly fervent voice. Moreover, she gave us an assignment to write an essay about James Joyce, which escalated me to start walking on my private destiny.

I Am Extremely Curious

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“Jorgito, beyond shadow of a doubt, I’m on the same page with you,” I nodded perceptively.

“I knew you would understand me; that’s why I’m telling you this. However, I’m extremely mad at myself, for not ignoring their advice. I’m ashamed on myself for attending the university. On top of it all, I’ve regretted enormously that I frittered my time away for nothing,” his eyes glinted fire.

And then he wiped his brow and glanced so fiercely at the ceiling that his gaze seemed to pierce it and rise into heavens.

I looked at his eyes sympathetically and said, “I really believe that experience is everything. I think that you needed to attend university, so that you could learn what you don’t need for your life. Now your coal-and-ice experience has taught you the essential thing for your life, that attending university is totally unnecessary for your career. We can learn from our experiences, you know. I really think that you needed to undergo these frustrated periods, so that you could realize which road you would be supposed to walk on. Here and now, you’re undoubtedly walking on your unique road, congratulations, amigo!”

“Oh, thank you very much, Shogo, notwithstanding I still think that I should’ve dropped out the university. Anyway, how about you, I know you walked out the college in order to be a writer.”

“Yap, I still think that I did the right thing. It was the one of crucial events in my life, “I came out with consideration.

“Shogo, please tell me what exactly happened. You’ve never told me what made you such a vital decision. I want to know everything. Pray tell me about it from the beginning. I am extremely curious.”

I’ve Learned My Business by Myself

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He fell to pondering for a while, folding his arms before his chest. A couple of pensive lines were appearing on his forehead. And then he began his obloquy, “You know, Shogo, I’ve been thinking why I went to the university. I can’t complain anything because I had a good time there; however, I can’t help thinking that if I’d started my own business eight years ago instead of attending the university, how big my business would’ve become right now. I’m telling you this, since I don’t apply any of university educations to my business. I’ve learned my business by myself. I didn’t want to work for anyone, but work for solely myself, so I’ve started studying how to build a house. I’ve educated myself as you did, Shogo. I’ve felt that I completely wasted my time and money on the university. Do you know why I went to the university? Because everybody told me that I had to go to university, such as my parents, my friends, my relatives and so on and so forth. But what for? I didn’t understand anything. I really hate this idiotic society system, for everyone thinks that we have to go to university in order to have successful life. It’s a sheer misapprehension, you know. I oppose every devise, that society has contrived to manipulate us. Everyone thinks what other people think of them. Everyone thinks graduating university is something that one must be proud of. Shogo, you know, the majority of people go to university simply for appearance’s sake. Everyone thinks that graduating university is a big achievement in their lives. Everyone thinks in this delusional fashion because of misconstrued society systems. Any society always asks us first if we graduate university or not. It’s so ridiculous to me. Think about it in this way, for instance, if one wants to be a gardener, does he need a university degree to be a gardener? – Absolutely not; if he wants to be a painter, does he need a university degree to be a painter? – Absolutely not; if he wants to be a writer, does he need a university degree to be a writer? Absolutely not; if he wants to be a fisherman, does he need a university degree to be a fisherman? – Absolutely not; if he wants to be a baker, does he need a university degree to be a baker? – Absolutely not; if he wants to be a matador, does he need a university degree to be a matador? – Absolutely not; and so on and son so forth.”