A Well-Informed Tour Guide

It was a Monday night that Ramon’s father arrived at Playa Del Carmen. I genuinely love his father. He is an exceptional gentleman with a big heart. He always carries a friendly ambiance about him. His every single gesture speaks benevolence, and his bright smile always makes people happy. If your heart troubles, just pay a visit to his father in order to see his bounteous smile that washes your troubles away. He speaks a little English, and I speak a little Spanish; however, we have been getting along famously with each other since the beginning. I have known of him for over eight years. Every time I see him, he takes me to a great deal of interesting places in order to see Mexican cultures. Naturally, I was very excited to see him again.

His father would stay with us for a week, so Ramon was busy to make plans for his father. Everyone could see easily how much he loves his father. I have never seen Ramon being a good boy and in such a buoyant mood. Ramon had a job and couldn’t have a whole day to spend his father; however, he managed a time to take his father and me to have a fresh breakfast during his work hours. Between breakfast and lunch, his father and I were left alone. So, we usually sauntered on Fifth Avenue and went to Mamita Beach to have drinks. His father always insisted to pay everything for me as if I were his favorite son. Around 2:00 p.m., Ramon usually picked us up on Fifth Avenue and took us to show around beautiful spots. For instance, we ate lunch at a seafood restaurant on Tulum Beach to contemplate beautiful ocean and horizon with music of seagulls. And Tulum’s white limestone beaches and sapphire blue Caribbean waters made us delirious. Our wandering continued visiting Tulum Ruins, Punta Allen, and Sian Kann Biospher Reserve. It was astonishing for me to see how well Ramon knew of Riviera Maya as though entire Rivera Maya were Ramon Garcia’s estate. His father and I were lucky to have such a well-informed tour guide.


No More Funny Business

As soon as I emerged from the threshold, Ramon was whistling and waving me to follow his lead. I followed him through the courtyard. He beckoned me to get in his car, so I hoped in the back seat. Lo and behold, Esteban was waiting for me. Ramon hopped in the front seat and gibbered, “Hey bitch, first of all, we should apologize for making you as a fucking scapegoat. But it was a necessary manoeuvre. Of course, you can understand our awkward situations perfectly. In short, bitch, please don’t marry, and enjoy your single life as long as possible, ha-ha-ha….”

“I’m sorry about it, Shogo. And please keep on being single as long as you can, ha-ha-ha…,” Esteban chimed in.

“Bitch, you should know that Patricia always makes a long speech. I’m always victim of her never-ending tirade, ha-ha-ha…. But you’re fucking lucky, because she had to make a speech in English, so it was difficult for her to make a long speech, ha-ha-ha… bless you, man!” he guffawed.

Esteban looked at me mischievously and informed, smiling, “Shogo, I went to Tulum with the Chilean cunt. And I had a wonderful time.”

“Did you give her a good lay?” I asked curiously.

“No, Shogo. I couldn’t,” he lapsed into reverie for few minutes and resumed, “it was very short time, so I had no chance to elevate to that stage. I picked her up, and we went to Tulum beach. While we were enjoying chatting, my right hand was constantly holding her waist tightly and my left hand was caressing her hair gently. That was all. But I had a really good time with her.”

“I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed with her company. I wish to Christ that you could have a time to do your funny business though,” I am laughing.

“Yeah, that would swell, ha-ha-ha….”

Here Ramon announced us that we should head back to the apartment. And tonight we should go to a bar and just relax. No more funny business. Thereupon, we, three of us, were walking back to the apartment with a light-heartedly laugh.

Her Famous Speech

By the time we came back to the apartment from OXXO, Esteban was not there anymore. Patricia told us that she asked him to let her alone for a while. Ergo, he went for a walk. And she asked Ramon by frowning, “Did you explain Shogo what I just told Esteban?”

“No, I didn’t,” he was fidgeting.


“How come? That was why I asked you to take him with you….”


“Okay, I’ll tell him myself. Shogo, could you have a moment?” she said with a resolved look.

“Have a good time, bitch!”

With that, he skedaddled in a mad, helter-skelter all over the courtyard.

After a brief pause, she began her famous speech with arms akimbo, “Shogo, don’t think I’m always like this. First of all, I want you to know that I’m very happy to have you at my house; you’re always welcome to my house. I’ve known of you for a long time. In fact, I’ve known of you since the beginning of relationship with Ramon. On top of it all, I consider you as my male best friend. But I want you to respect my rules once you are under my roof. If you want to stay at my house, please don’t do what I don’t like and what makes me sad. Ramon told me that it was your decision to go to Marlins Men’s Club last night. Don’t worry, Shogo, I’m not mad at you and don’t blame you for the last night. I’m mad at Ramon, for he decided to go there. He is married, you know. He is no longer single anymore. He should perceive what he can do or cannot do. Of course, you can do whatever you want, Shogo, because you’re single. You can enjoy your life, go table dance, and sleep with whomever you fancy. However, please don’t do things that make me sad and that I don’t like while you are staying under my roof. All in all, please respect my rules whenever you visit us. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, as clear as God’s blue heaven. It’ll never happen again. I promise,” I apologized with my right hand on my heart.

“Shogo, you can go now. Ramon is waiting for you at the courtyard, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Patricia. I really do.”

With that, I walked out the apartment.

Spontaneous Self-Defence

I was laughing and asked, “What the hell happened with Esteban?”

“He is having a hellish time right now,” he guffawed animatedly and carried on, “Patricia is reproaching his conduct, because it’s supposed to be his business trip. And the upshot is that he’s been married to her friend. She is admonishing him to think about his wife and marriage. Poor Esteban, ha-ha-ha….”

Here Ramon was suddenly bursting out laughing like a nutcase, as though lightning struck on his scalp. I was nonplussed by his hysterical laughter and waited until he composed himself. Finally, he came back to the reality and disclosed the dangerous secret with laughter of tears in his eyes, “Bitch, I’m so sorry. Do you know why she said that she doesn’t want you to stay at the apartment?”

“I have no idea, Ramon. Please enlighten me,” I am getting anxious.

“Because we told her that it was you, who suggested us to go to Marlins Men’s Club last night. It was your decision to go there.”


I was puzzled and inquired, “What? Why did you make me as a scapegoat?”

“Bitch, only you can take the responsibility, since you are single. Both Esteban and I are married, so we really had no choice. It was a spontaneous self-defence. As soon as Patricia reproached us, Esteban cried out, ‘It was Shogo. Yap, it was Shogo, who made the decision.’ And I chimed in as if you were a savior. We chorused desperately, ‘It was Shogo. Oh yeah, it was Shogo, who made the decision.’ That was exactly how it happened, sorry, bitch, ha-ha-ha….”

Another Drama

Esteban glanced at me, with a half-smile on his lips and slipped a horse wink on me while Patricia was giving the speech to him. Approximately twenty minutes had elapsed in this manner since I came back to the apartment, then suddenly Patricia ordered Ramon, “We don’t have water, please fetch it from OXXO? Take Shogo with you. I don’t want him to stay at my apartment right now.”

He was chagrined and whispered laconically, “Let’s get the hell out of here, bitch.”

Once we were under the open sky, Ramon somehow became fortified and begun yakking, “Goddamn it! It was my fucking fault. Sorry, bitch, for making you to witness another drama. You know, Patricia becomes a fucking detective whenever I am on the job. Apparently, she was looking for some clues what we did last night in this morning, for we came back to the apartment such an ungodly hour. I still had fucking headache when I woke up in this morning; I went to the job without my fucking wallet. I was fucking drunken last night and somehow stashed the accusing receipt in my wallet safely. I wish to Christ that I could undo it. But it was too late now. Anyway, don’t be scared, bitch, because everything is taking care of. I told her that we went to Fifth Avenue to eat dinner first. And then we went to Om to have drinks. Afterwards, we decided to go to Marlins Men’s Club – we stayed at there only for an hour. Consequently, don’t tell her about Chilly Willys. I don’t think that she isn’t as mad as the fucking last time, so don’t worry, bitch!”