Living in Total Despair


I have no idea how long I have been depressed and dispirited. I have no idea how long I have been living in total despair. I am sad all the time and have no energy for anything. Even I do not care about anything, I mean that I really do not care about anything – I even don’t give any shit to women. Even I have no idea when this awful depression has started, but one thing is crystal clear to me: I have an infinite void in my heart. The funny part is that, you know, my dear readers (If I have any), nobody notices my state of depression, except my Mexican and Columbian friends. People always say to me, “You look so happy and energetic! Why do you always look so happy?” Can you beat it? No Japanese people notice my depression and say to me, “Are you okay? Why are you so depressed? No sir! No single individual offers me any sympathetic words! The truth is that people are able to see only other people’s appearances; people are not able to see other people’s heart.

Life has been so hard for me for years, since I have lost any hope for my future and enthusiasm for life itself. When I was young, I had a dream, you know, I wanted to be an artist. I had undying passion and respect for writing. I was so happy every day, since my whole energy went to writing. I loved reading books and could not pass the day without reading them. But not anymore. I have completely lost my faith in writing and passion for it. I have been no purpose in my life for years. My life has become just a humdrum existence and I have kept frittering my time away every single day….

As If Extreme Meanness Was Her Virtue!

The last Japanese cockroach was Kaita san. She had an unkempt short hair, an appallingly big face, and hideous eyes. To cap it all, she was a dwarf. The first time I met her, she was very quiet and behaved like an obedient worker. However, after two weeks had elapsed, she could not refrain from manifesting her evil mien; she had transmogrified herself from a buttoned-up colleague into the meanest colleague, that I have ever worked with under the God’s vast sky. All things considered, her malevolent attitudes toward the colleagues are the epitome of Japanese maliciousness. She was born to be as ugly as sin; her jealous of female colleagues were monstrous. I could not remember how many times I had destined to witness her evildoing, which she practised over the colleagues, without any hesitations, as if extreme meanness was her virtue!

Please Solve the Mystery for Me

There was Nishida san. She actually had no character, except she was a spoiled bitch. The first time I met her, she informed me with an alarming face, “Shogo san, I know you’re new here, but I need to warn you and let you know about some facts, so that you can prepare and get some ideas what you’re being about to face. This job is extremely boring and will drive you crazy, for sure. I’ve already told Ishida san that I would quit the job in two weeks, and he accepted my resignation. I can no longer allow myself to work under the thirty-years old virgin, you know…. He always tries to strike a conversation with me and disturbs me with his insipid jokes. And to cap it all, he bores me stiff in perpetuum. I’ve been working here over two months and reached the limit of my patience. To be earnest with you, I should’ve quit the horrible job long time ago. Two months ago, I was naïve and wanted to be nice to him; therefore, I’ve given him a free rein. And it was a colossal mistake, I admit. He always sits right beside me, and he is constantly pestering me with his ho-hum performance. You know, Shogo san, I can’t sleep well recently, because his boring jokes are on and on intruding into my head, every time I try to have a good night sleep. Guess what? His annoying jokes have become my persistent nightmare!”

In the beginning I had a little sympathy for Nishida san, but I would soon realize that she herself was an annoying bitch as well. After a week had elapsed, she always sat right beside me and pestered me, with her conceited talks till the cows come home. She was endlessly telling me how she was admired when she was an university student; telling me that she was a rock singer and often sung at university festivals; telling me that many guys forever chased after her; telling me how countless men constantly crashed on her; telling me how often she broke men’s heart; so on and so forth. She had a dejected look, flat chest, skeleton legs, pressed ass, and dishevelled hair. For the love of God, would you please solve the mystery for me that how she could let herself talk about her past as a glorious legend?

I’ll Be Their Man

There was Nakao san. He was as fat as a sumo wrestler. He always ate two enormous meals at a lunch break. He always told me that he had to eat as much as he could at a lunch time, so that he did not need to eat a huge dinner. According to him, it is not good for us to eat huge dinner; it is good for us to have a huge lunch, so that we can keep on being in a good shape. He always bought two huge meals at lunch time from Thai and Japanese restaurants. I always reproached him that it was not good for his health to eat two big meals at all once. Every time I reproached him; I was lectured how to get lose a weight. He would show off his infinite knowledge: “Shogo san, you don’t understand anything about how a human body can work. We’d better eat a huge meal at the lunch time, so that we won’t feel famished in the night. It’s bad for us to eat a huge dinner in the night, but unfortunately, most people don’t know about the simple fact. That’s why so many people are overweight nowadays. If they have some knowledge about losing a weight effectively, many people will be able to keep on being in a good shape without harming their health. As a matter of fact, I know how to lose a weight safely, since I’ve attempted to do it many times. Obviously, you don’t need to lose your weight, Shogo san, because you’re very thin. But if your friends ever need some help for losing their weight with a touch of an expert, I’ll be their man.” His height was 175 cm, and weight was about 115 kg. He ate two enormous meals at the lunch time and constantly chewed a mouthful of snacks during the office work. Of course, he obviously knew about his business and what he talked about, didn’t he?

A Complete Nightmare

We were five people at the general office: Mr. Virgin, Kaita san, Nakao san, Nishida san, and me. I was shocked to see such unworthy characters gathering at the work environment. Their existences themselves contaminated the workplace, so to speak. Here are the brief introductions of my mean colleagues:

First of all, there was my boss; he always garmented with expensive clothes beyond his financial means and constantly had debts. As an eternal virgin, he wanted to show off more than he actually was, because the law firm had a lot of secretaries who occasionally came to the general office to ask our help. If he had a pleasant conversation with one of secretaries, we could not stop him – he was ultimately infatuated and everlastingly talked to us about asking her out for a dinner with an awful grin on his distorted mug. To tell the truth, he had never had good conversations with them. For him, if he exchanged greetings with them or if he talked with them about weather, it would be definitely something. He would say excitedly, “Shogo san, I just had a wonderful conversation with Hoshi san. We talked about autumn is passing soon, and forlorn winter is approaching to us. Gee, what a romantic conversation we had just before! I daresay it’s a bit poetic, isn’t it? Anyway, when I hinted her about changing the season, she smiled at me. I noticed it. It’s a good omen, Shogo san; I’m thinking about inviting her to a state dinner tonight, you know. What do you think?  The first date must be at a glamorous restaurant, don’t you think so? Shogo san, please give me your advice.”

Can you imagine if he had such preposterous conversations with one of them three times a day? It would be a complete nightmare; he would become a mighty champion! I was forced to listen to his mambo jumbo all day, and he annoyingly repeated the same old song and dance with a rap movement, dangling his limbs. The worst part was that he sincerely thought that he was exceptionally handsome and cool – he always looked at a pocket mirror and admired his face with a lecherous grin. Pray tell me, what could I do with such a nincompoop like him?

She Is Dead to Me

I am always wondering, especially, Japanese women who are always very quiet and meek when they are alone, but if they have some friends, they will change their behavior in an unpleasant way to be mean people. I was just witnessed this degusting transformation two days ago. When I went to a gym to attend a dance class, one sorry woman (around 48 years-old) was attending this class as well.

I usually don’t want to talk to her because my first instinct told me that she is not a good person, but she is forever trying to talk to me and desperately trying to attend the same class with me, so I have no choice but let myself talk to her occasionally. On the contrary, I always talk to an instructor very friendly because she is my friend. She had not taught the dance class before, but she has started teaching this class from this month on.

Lo and behold! I just witnessed the sickest and meanest behavior under the sun on this face of earth: this sorry woman started an evil gossip with two old crows. She was started gossiping about me as loud as a megaphone in order to make me hear it, I guess. She was talking to them that I am in loved with the instructor – that is why I always exercise beside her so that I can be closer to her. And continued with a disgusting mag that I did not attend the dance class before, but I have started attending it now, because she has started teaching it! Moreover, the goddamn vagina said, “look at him, he looks happy, he is too enjoying – he has too much energy because of being with the instructor!

I was amazed to see her talk in this horrible way: this sorry vagina was indeed ridiculing me and making fun of me! When she is alone, she has no courage to behave like in this frivolous way, but when she is with some friends, she transforms herself to be a mean vagina and shine her evil character awfully.

Of course, I did not say anything and just ignored her as if she did not exist, since I really did not give any shit to her.  And most importantly, I hate this kind of mean creatures.

I am wondering why she behaves like a high school student, since she is a goddamn old vagina. I am wondering why she always mind my business and cannot understand that this is not her business. I am wondering why she cannot mind only her own business.

I think that her everyday life is boring and nothing: her daily life is not interesting: she is living in a humdrum life. I believe that nobody cares about her, and she always lives on her day the same as yesterday – that is why she always thinks about other people’s business. She is constantly jealous and envy of other people. I am very sorry for her.

What I have learned from this unpleasant experience is that I must trust my first instinct that she is not a good person, and I should have never allowed her to talk with me in the first place: I must show any mercy on people like her. I have promised myself that I will never let her talk to me and will delete her existence from my mind: she is dead to me from now on.