That’s New to You

Seeking the Meaning of Life

“Let me explain, my friend,” I lit a cigarette and replied, “I love her as a spiritual sister, you know. Not in love in the actual sense; I love her spiritually. That’s new to you, I know. I don’t want to have a girlfriend, but I would like to have a sweetheart whom I can see without any jealousy. I don’t need such silly feelings right now. These feelings are unwelcome to me. I love whores, you know, because they can cheat on me openly without any guilty feelings; not like ordinary vaginas who constantly cheat on us behind our backs; that is unforgivable for me. I don’t need such things right now. I don’t want to feel any jealousy for any vaginas; I don’t want to be distracted with such feelings right now. But, Elaine, I don’t need to worry about anything and don’t need to feel any jealousy. If I see her dancing other guys, I just nod to myself with warm sympathy, because I completely understand everything: she is just doing her job, nothing more and nothing less. Do you comprehend such a mutual harmony, my friend? She is simply doing her job; she needs to pay rent, buy clothes, eat, and so on, like ordinary people. I call this free love. She gives me free love, my friend. I don’t need to wonder if she really loves me; I don’t need to worry if she cheats on me; I don’t need to feel any jealousy: I simply love her. What a wonderful feeling to love someone indeed without any anxiety! I don’t need to receive her love in return: I just give my love to her freely. That’s why I love her, ha-ha-ha….”

“I understand you now. In this way, I understand you. But before you said you are madly in love with her, which I don’t believe. Yeah, I agree with you – it’s good to fall in love with a whore sometimes. Free love, I like that. Take care of your sweetheart, ha-ha-ha….”

This is the Best Hamburger I’ve Ever Eaten

Here Elaine came. I invited her to drink and talked to her to my heart’s content. I decided to have a fifteen-minute dance with her. After our dance was over, we came back to the table, hand in hand, but Jorgito was not there. While we were chatting about trivial things, he came back to our table as happy as a god. He announced, “Shogo, we have to go right now because it’s been past 2:00 a.m.”

So we said good-bye to Elaine, and I promised to take her out next Tuesday because Tuesday is only her day off. Before we left, she whispered something into his left ear. As soon as we sailed out, I asked him what she said to him.

“Shogo, she is really in love with you. You know what she said? She said to me, ‘Oh, how I love him.’ Oh my God, you are very lucky, man. I saw she kissed you in front of everyone with her eyes closed. You know, it’s prohibited to kiss clients on the main dancing floor, but she didn’t care. You should go out with her.”

“Ha-ha-ha, I know she loves me, and I love her. We’re going out next Tuesday, my friend.”

“Really? Of course, I’m going with you.”

We were coming to the parking which has a little vender selling hamburgers and hotdogs.

“Let’s eat hamburgers, Shogo.”

He ordered hamburgers for us and said with a bright smile, “Shogo, I danced and came in my pants.”

“Ha-ha-ha, you’re joking. Really? You came in your pants? How?”

He tightened his lips and nodded three times, “Yes, Shogo. I came. I came in just two minutes.”

I burst out laughing with tears on my eyes, “Idiot! You came in only two minutes! You are the quickest man alive on this earth, ha-ha-ha. Who’s the lucky girl? Danced only one song?”

“You saw the blond one who has a lascivious ass. She is Hungarian. She knows how to move and how to arouse a man’s lust. I had a thirty-minute dance with her.”

“What? Are you out of your mind? That’s why you were away such a long time? You said you didn’t have money and were constantly worried about the expense. How come? You paid two thousand pesos? What’s happened while I was dancing with Elaine?”

“Nothing special, man. I just asked the Hungarian vagina to come to my table. In fact, we talked a little. As soon as she touched my prick, and I grabbed her huge teats, my erection looked toward heaven. I naturally yelled at a waitress in order to buy a ticket. And we went into the room, hand in hand, you know, in the dark corner.”

“Ha-ha-ha, asshole. Well, I am so glad you enjoyed dancing with her. It was good news, man. I’ve been enjoying everything today, my friend. We had a great day.”

“Yes, I’ve enjoyed so much, too. I like today very much. Everything is great today, and finishing with Excess is the perfect ending. Just perfect. Oh my God, this is very delicious. I love this hamburger very much. This is the best hamburger I’ve ever eaten. Stop laughing, Shogo. It’s true. It’s so delicious. I’m so happy, my friend, although my underwear is in a sorry condition right now, and it gives me an uncomfortable feeling though. Shogo, we have to come back to Excess soon. You know, I don’t have money, but….”

Fair Enough

Seeking the Meaning of Life

“I know, Shogo. I should stop thinking about it, but it’s so difficult. It’s goddamn difficult. You surely understand what I’m talking about. You, too, if you are in love with someone, it’s difficult for you to erase such things in your mind – that’s why you don’t want to have a girlfriend right now, so that you can focus only on writing without unnecessary distractions.”

“Yeah, you are absolutely right about that. I know it’s hard for you to ignore such things, but try not to think about it for your own sake, okay?”

“Yes, I will. Shogo, look over there. Elaine is dancing. She is very beautiful, man. You should invite her after the dance.”

“Oh my God! She is so beautiful today. In my eyes she is beautiful more than ever. I’ll invite her right after the dance. No more reconnoiter! I don’t need other vaginas. She is the one I want to dance with tonight.” I declared excitedly.

“Of course, she is your sweetheart. You know, I really think she loves you,” he nodded mysteriously.

“A bright smile spreads on her face whenever she sees you as if you were Jesus Christ. You have to ask her out. The last time she asked for your telephone number. Why don’t you ask her out? I think she has a lot of whore friends. We can go out with them.”

“What? You think you’re invited to our date, ha-ha-ha…. Of course, I’ll ask her to bring her friends for you, my friend. Are you sure that you are in love with Heather? Do you want to fuck other vaginas?”

“Of course, Shogo. When Heather comes to Mexico, I can’t fuck other vaginas. Therefore, I’ve promised to myself that I would fuck many vaginas before she comes.”

“Fair enough. You shall fuck many vaginas. Trust me on that score, ha-ha-ha…. Anyway, have you decided which one you’re going to dance with?”

“Not yet, man. I’m still looking. Maybe, I’ll dance only one song tonight because you know, I don’t have money.”

“Idiot, are you still talking about money? Just enjoy, man.”

I Couldn’t Control Myself

He ordered drinks and said nervously, “Shogo, I want to confess something to you, but don’t tell anyone, even Gerardo. This is between you and me. If I say this is between you and me, it must be between you and me, okay?”

I was laughing. And then I assured him, “Okay, Jorgito. I won’t tell anyone. Tell me whatever you want. My ears are all yours. Go on.”

“Shogo, I’ve never felt this way with any women in my life, but with Heather, things are so different. I am constantly jealous of her ex-boyfriend. I know she broke up with him a long time ago, but when she starts mentioning him, I can’t control my jealousy and can’t compose myself.”

I lit a cigarette and puffed in the air.

“But, Jorgito, why? What is your problem?” I queried. “He is her ex-boyfriend, so it doesn’t matter, he is past. Now she doesn’t see him, does she? So, what is the point of being jealous? Don’t be jealous of a silly thing like that. I know, you think she is very pure, but I tell you the divine truth. No women are virgins. Every woman is fucked once in her life. Jorgito, sorry to say, but I have to open your eyes – you can’t find a pure vagina nowadays; you can find only used vaginas. Even your Heather has been fucked by many dicks, sorry, but it’s the pure fact.”

“Ha-ha-ha…. I know, I know. Of course, we can find only used vaginas nowadays. But I don’t know what is wrong with me. Shogo, remember I went to Calgary to see her a month ago?”

“Of course, I remember.”

“When I was in Calgary, she invited me to have a dinner at an Indian restaurant. While we were eating, I wondered why she took me there because I know her ex-boyfriend was a kind of Indian origin. For that reason, I presumed they came here together often. That moment I couldn’t control myself and said a lot of foolish things to her. I was mad beyond recognition. I even couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I was so angry and simply couldn’t compose myself. I felt so ashamed after the dinner, but this was beyond my control. I know I should stop behaving like that, but I simply can’t control, you know, Shogo, I can’t control….”

I looked at his eyes squarely and said, “Jorgito, I think you’d better marry her. You are obviously head over heels in love with her – that’s why you got jealous of her ex-boyfriend so violently. But let me give you piece of friendly advice. You should stop behaving like that for your own sake, because if you continue being mad over her ex-boyfriend, you’ll face a serious consequence. She might leave you. I know it’s extremely tough for you not to think about it, but at least you should try to prevent these kinds of thoughts from invading your head.”

Exactly, Girls Are Like This Nowadays

Tonight he was in a talkative mood, more than usual, so I decided to give him a free rein to get it off his chest.

“I am totally on the same track, my friend. I can’t trust any women either. You know, women can tell us easily that they love us while looking squarely in our eyes without flinching, as if they are madly in love with us; however, I am so sure that when they meet a handsome guy at a night club or a bar, wherever else, they’ll let themselves be fucked without any conscience.”

“Exactly, girls are like this nowadays,” he chimed in. “Shogo, look at that waitress, I am pretty sure that she’ll fuck someone tonight. Look at that bartender; I am pretty sure that she’ll fuck someone tonight, too, ha-ha-ha….”

“Yap! I am so sure, too, as God’s sun never failing to rise. Only my wish is – they’ll be fucked good and proper tonight. That’s all!”

“Ha-ha-ha, I wish, too, Shogo. Oh my God, my first beer is almost gone. Hurry up, man. You have to choose some vaginas or ask Elaine right now.”

“Wait, man. Give me more time to search for a beautiful vagina. I need more time to decide. How about you? Have you decided which vagina you’re going to dance with?”

“Not yet. I can’t find a vagina I want to dance with. I’m still looking. Shogo, we should order our second drinks. The waiter told me if we don’t ask for another drink, we should leave because many customers are waiting outside.”

“No problem, order another drink for me, Jorgito.”