I Can’t Change My Feelings So Fast

We arrived at Kings Pub. There were few people due to it being Sunday night. We found a table in the middle of room and ordered our drinks. “Here is a very nice place, my friend. I like it here. Good music, amiable ambiance, and nice food,” I said.

“Yes, I like it here, too.”

He drank a glass of beer and said reminiscently, “You know, Shogo, this year has been very bad for me. As a matter of fact, no good things have happened to me. I haven’t met any interesting girls in this year either. I often ask God why, but He doesn’t answer anyway…. Remember my last girlfriend? We went to Veracruz together last summer where we enjoyed rafting and rowed like Trojans, ha-ha-ha…. I broke up with her six months ago, since then I haven’t gotten laid. It isn’t healthy, you know. It makes the invoice maker’s heart ashamed. That’s why I got angry when I discovered you went to Excess without me, ha-ha-ha….”

I asked, smiling, “Why did you break up with her? I know you’re not in love with her, but you said you just want to have a good time and have a good lay. She is a real fuckeree, isn’t she?”

“Oh, Shogo, you can’t imagine how she moves her ass,” he replied reminiscently, “she is the best fucker I’ve gone to bed with in all my life. Really, really, believe me. Having sex with her is amazing, like ascending to God’s mansion. You know, she is a real bitch. I simply loved having sex with her – that’s all, man. I didn’t love her, but I loved her vagina too much; I worshiped her vagina. As a result, I consecrated my prick to her, as Christians offer their sacrifices, ha-ha-ha. The problem is that she never gets enough, you know, that vagina! I fucked her five times whenever I was in bed with her. Five times per night is required if you want to have sex with her. It’s too much, isn’t it? Anyway, she cheated on me many times. I knew she cheated on me and asked her directly without beating about the bush; however, that vagina denied everything and lied to me a million times. And on top of it all, she cheated on me right to my face without batting an eye. I can’t believe women, you know. How could she do that? Five days after breaking up with her, I went to a festival with Luis. There I saw her with a guy, and as soon as she saw me, she started kissing the guy and grabbing his hands in order to let him touch her ass. She wanted to make me jealous – it’s too obvious. Can you beat it? How? Shogo, just five days after breaking up, she kissed another guy. I can’t understand vaginas. For me, I can’t change my feelings so fast. You know, it takes time for me to move on, but, vaginas, they move on very fast as if I didn’t exist to them. Modern women don’t have any conscience and don’t have any decency. They just want to enjoy the moment, my friend, that I am as sure of as God’s sunrise.”

“Ha-ha-ha…. I thought she is very nice person anyway. It had been one of the worst years of my life before coming to Mexico. After coming here, everything is satisfactory with me. Thanks for helping me, my friend. I really appreciate.”

I Don’t Know What Is Wrong with Me

He ordered drinks and said nervously, “Shogo, I want to confess something to you, but don’t tell anyone, even Gerardo. This is between you and me. If I say this is between you and me, it must be between you and me, okay?”

I was laughing. And then I assured him, “Okay, Jorgito. I won’t tell anyone. Tell me whatever you want. My ears are all yours. Go on.”

“Shogo, I’ve never felt this way with any women in my life, but with Heather, things are so different. I am constantly jealous of her ex-boyfriend. I know she broke up with him a long time ago, but when she starts mentioning him, I can’t control my jealousy and can’t compose myself.”

I lit a cigarette and puffed in the air.

“But, Jorgito, why? What is your problem?” I queried. “He is her ex-boyfriend, so it doesn’t matter, he is past. Now she doesn’t see him, does she? So, what is the point of being jealous? Don’t be jealous of a silly thing like that. I know, you think she is very pure, but I tell you the divine truth. No women are virgins. Every woman is fucked once in her life. Jorgito, sorry to say, but I have to open your eyes – you can’t find a pure vagina nowadays; you can find only used vaginas. Even your Heather has been fucked by many dicks, sorry, but it’s the pure fact.”

“Ha-ha-ha…. I know, I know. Of course, we can find only used vaginas nowadays. But I don’t know what is wrong with me. Shogo, remember I went to Calgary to see her a month ago?”

“Of course, I remember.”

“When I was in Calgary, she invited me to have a dinner at an Indian restaurant. While we were eating, I wondered why she took me there because I know her ex-boyfriend was a kind of Indian origin. For that reason, I presumed they came here together often. That moment I couldn’t control myself and said a lot of foolish things to her. I was mad beyond recognition. I even couldn’t recognize myself anymore. I was so angry and simply couldn’t compose myself. I felt so ashamed after the dinner, but this was beyond my control. I know I should stop behaving like that, but I simply can’t control, you know, Shogo, I can’t control….”

I looked at his eyes squarely and said, “Jorgito, I think you’d better marry her. You are obviously head over heels in love with her – that’s why you got jealous of her ex-boyfriend so violently. But let me give you piece of friendly advice. You should stop behaving like that for your own sake, because if you continue being mad over her ex-boyfriend, you’ll face a serious consequence. She might leave you. I know it’s extremely tough for you not to think about it, but at least you should try to prevent these kinds of thoughts from invading your head.”

Pause.

“I know, Shogo. I should stop thinking about it, but it’s so difficult. It’s goddamn difficult. You surely understand what I’m talking about. You, too, if you are in love with someone, it’s difficult for you to erase such things in your mind – that’s why you don’t want to have a girlfriend right now, so that you can focus only on writing without unnecessary distractions.”

“Yeah, you are absolutely right about that. I know it’s hard for you to ignore such things, but try not to think about it for your own sake, okay?”

“Yes, I will. Shogo, look over there. Elaine is dancing. She is very beautiful, man. You should invite her after the dance.”

Girls Are Like This Nowadays

He drank a bottle of beer and continued, “She wants to marry me. But I don’t want. I know she is a wonderful woman, and she never cheats on me. She is different from all my ex-girlfriends who always cheated on me behind my back. In all my life I’ve never met such a remarkable woman like her. I’ve never trusted any women and never loved them. Just I wanted to have a good time – that’s all. Also, I know I’ll never find a pure woman like her, but part of me warns me that I shouldn’t trust her. You know, Shogo, nowadays all women are bitches. They cheat on us very easily as if it were just an ordinary affair, nothing more and nothing less. For example, my friend met a woman on a street and started saying to her that she is very beautiful, she has an extremely attractive face, and so on and such craps. She told him that she is married, loves her husband, and has a three-years-old son, so she doesn’t want to do anything with him. But alas, after a week, they were fucking. I couldn’t believe that, but this is the reality. We have to accept. I can assure you that all women are bitches – we can’t trust them.”

Tonight he was in a talkative mood, more than usual, so I decided to give him a free rein to get it off his chest.

“I am totally on the same track, my friend. I can’t trust any women either. You know, women can tell us easily that they love us while looking squarely in our eyes without flinching, as if they are madly in love with us; however, I am so sure that when they meet a handsome guy at a night club or a bar, wherever else, they’ll let themselves be fucked without any conscience.”

“Exactly, girls are like this nowadays,” he chimed in. “Shogo, look at that waitress, I am pretty sure that she’ll fuck someone tonight. Look at that bartender; I am pretty sure that she’ll fuck someone tonight, too, ha-ha-ha….”

“Yap! I am so sure, too, as God’s sun never failing to rise. Only my wish is – they’ll be fucked good and proper tonight. That’s all!”

“Ha-ha-ha, I wish, too, Shogo. Oh my God, my first beer is almost gone. Hurry up, man. You have to choose some vaginas or ask Elaine right now.”

“Wait, man. Give me more time to search for a beautiful vagina. I need more time to decide. How about you? Have you decided which vagina you’re going to dance with?”

“Not yet. I can’t find a vagina I want to dance with. I’m still looking. Shogo, we should order our second drinks. The waiter told me if we don’t ask for another drink, we should leave because many customers are waiting outside.”

“No problem, order another drink for me, Jorgito.”

My Heart Is in the Right Place

Gerardo and I are coming from Antara Polanco, where we watched a movie because we can watch movies cheaply every Wednesday there. He is driving the car and suddenly asking me, “Have you done your mission?”

“What kind of mission? Do I have a new mission?”

“Of course, man! You have a very important mission. You have to ask Andrea out to obtain some information. I want to know what she likes because I’m planning to buy a Christmas present for her. And I want to go out with her again, man!”

I am laughing, “Again, idiot! I’ve been out with her and gotten some information for you a couple of times already; I have asked her out three times past two weeks. We went out together two times, but you didn’t make any move, idiot! What else do you want from me? If you like her so much as you said, why don’t you ask her out by yourself? My mission is over!”

“What? Son of bitch! I let you stay at my apartment free; I’m feeding you. You want me to throw your mattress out from the window? Do you want to sleep on the street tonight? Ha-ha-ha…. I’m asking you a favor, man. Just ask her out again and go somewhere together to get more information. Tell her about my good things – tell her how pure I am. Tell her that I’ve never cheated on any women in my whole life, because she thinks I always change girls and have never fallen in love with anyone sincerely. No, my friend, tell her about Maria – tell her how I was passionately in love with her and how faithful I was. You know about all my love affairs. Just let her know I am a good person. Tell her I’m very pure, and my heart is in the right place.”

“Ha-ha-ha, idiot! Okay, I’ll do it again. I’ll obtain more information from her and try to tell her about your pure side as you wish, ha-ha-ha…. But I don’t get it; why don’t you ask her out by yourself, my friend? You’d better make your move before it’s too late. I’ve already told you that she likes you and wants to do something with you. What are you waiting for? It’s easy for me to ask her out and go out with you together, we three of us. But why don’t you go out with her without me? Why do I have to go with you all the time? Don’t be pussy, man. You just have to go out with her alone and make a move – that’s all, man!”

“Shut up, man! I am very slow. I have a plan. I’m just following my strategy. I want to give her a Christmas present; that will be my first move, my friend. Therefore, I need you to go somewhere with her to obtain some clues of what she likes. I need some ideas for the present. Understood, Shogo? And I don’t know how you always do it, but she thinks you are very pure and a good person, so she somehow trusts you. Consequently, if you tell her about my pure personality, she’ll believe everything, that I am perfectly sure of, my friend. You have the ability of making women believe you are very pure, son of bitch!”

“Ha-ha-ha, of course, I am very pure as John the baptizer. It’s the fact, my friend. Anyway, I’ll do what you’ve asked for.”

“Thanks, my friend. But, Shogo, you are not pure. I still can’t believe how you could say that. You are crude son of bitch, I know you, man. How about Elaine, man! I can’t believe you are in love with her. I know she is very beautiful, funny, and a nice person, but she is a whore to boot. How can you let yourself in love with a whore? Are you crazy? Why Shogo? Tell me why on earth you’re choosing her over Mexican vaginas? I know some of them are in love with you and want to do something. Why Elaine?”

“Watch out your foul mouth, man! She is very nice – I always have a good time when I see her. Right now I don’t want to have a girlfriend, as you know, because of my mission as a writer. I want to concentrate on writing. I don’t need any distraction.”

He lights a cigarette and says, “Shogo, I know you don’t want to have any girlfriends right now, but how about Elaine? Here are your exact words: ‘I don’t want to fall in love with any women and don’t want have any girlfriends.’ But you are in love with her.”

Pause.

“That’s the different matter totally, my friend. I am in love with her, but not the ordinary way if you understand what I’m talking about. I am in love with her spiritually. I understand the spirit of a whore. She is my sweetheart; she is not my girlfriend. That’s the huge difference, Gerardo.”

“Ha-ha-ha, maybe, maybe, if you say so.”

First Love – Part 3

Next day I went to Hastings Campus to see her. Her class was from 1:00 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. I arrived at 1:45 p.m. I was waiting for her in the lounge and thinking whether I should go to her class to say good-bye to her, as she asked me to do. While I was pondering it over, somebody was walking out a classroom as large as life. It was Gerardo again. As soon as he recognized me sitting on a sofa, he approached me, “Hey Shogo, are you waiting for Clarissa? I’m taking a leak and coming back soon. Don’t go anywhere, wait for me, okay?” He came back and sat down beside me, “I don’t need to go back to the class, you know. I want to talk with you since you’re leaving tonight.” “Gerardo, you know, she asked me to visit her classroom during the class to say good-bye to her in front of her classmates. But I don’t want to go there because it’s quite embarrassing and a bit romantic. This isn’t my way and line, you know. What should I do, my friend?” “Shogo, you shouldn’t go to the class, but you must wait for her and ask her to go somewhere to talk with her again. Tell me why you’re going to Montreal because I don’t understand you. She is so beautiful and loves you so much. Why are you leaving her? She told me that she is very sad because of you. She doesn’t want you to leave – it’s obvious. Of course, she didn’t ask you to stay here directly, but I guess you know how she’s feeling.” “Of course, I know she wants me to stay here with her. Gerardo, I decided to go to Montreal before I met her and thought it would be a good experience for me to live in the different city. But I am not sure anymore. I love her so much and really don’t want to leave. I guess I am scared of being in love with her so deeply. Anyway, it’s too late now because I’ve already organized everything for Montreal.” “Shogo, let me tell you something. Every guy is jealous of you because you always have Clarissa. Many guys in this school want to ask her out because she is extremely beautiful, but they have no chance because of you. Many guys don’t like you because you are her boyfriend. She never talks to another guy, you know, she only talks to you and only goes out with you. She really loves you and is faithful to you. Of course, you are my friend, so I am on your side, but once you’re gone, many guys will start asking her out, I am very sure. It isn’t good for you to leave her alone here. Do you think she’ll be waiting for you until you come back? You have to think about it over again. You know, I really think you must stay here with her and me. You are my good friend. I’ll miss you, too, man, if you really go to Montreal. You have everything in Vancouver. You don’t need to go there. Cancel everything immediately and stay here with us. I can’t force you to stay here, of course, but I really suggest you must consider it over again. Don’t forget, you are lucky to have her, my friend!” “Thanks, Gerardo. You are a very good friend. But I really don’t know what I am supposed to do. Of course, I love her so much, but part of me is thirsting to have a new experience. Anyway, I’ll take her somewhere to talk about it again. The last English Bay, perhaps? Ha-ha-ha….” Here lessons were finished and students were streaming from the classrooms. “Shogo, there is Clarissa! Go, talk to her again. Good luck and see you again, man!”