I Totally Lost You

Seeking the Meaning of Life

I lit a cigarette and answered happily, “I think I’m in love with her, man. Please don’t say anything; just hear me out. Listen, my friend, I asked her out for next Tuesday. You know, I always have fun with her. I really enjoy being with her, spending time with her, and talking with her. As you know, I’ve been faithful to her for three years, in my own way, of course. Three years of faith is not a joke, my friend. I have no shame confessing that I am madly in love with her.”

“What? Are you sure? I don’t believe you,” he said with a bewildered face, “I know your faith with her is quite genuine because I’ve witnessed that you’ve constantly danced with her these past three years. It’s too much, no? However, my friend, however, she is a whore. She dances with many guys every night; many guys touch her body every night. Wake up, man. You’re not in love with her. I know you, man. You just want to be a romantic son of bitch. You think falling in love with a whore is something new to you and falling in love with a whore adds a spice of mystery to your character, I know you, man, ha-ha-ha. But I don’t buy such shit! Tell me the truth, man! Also, I remember what you said: you don’t want to have a girlfriend until you are recognized as a writer. What is wrong with you tonight?”

“Watch out your language, will you?” I bellowed. “First of all, you can’t call her just a whore – she is an extraordinary whore, do you understand? Needless to say, she is very beautiful, actually extremely beautiful – I worship her rosy vagina. She is in love with me and vice-versa. What is wrong with that? I know she is a whore. Maybe, being a whore shines her virtue and makes me love her more, I guess.”

He lit a cigarette and drank a glass of water to cool down his throat.

“Are you nuts? Why, man? Open your eyes, she is a whore. You can’t be in love with a whore. I totally lost you. I really don’t understand what you’re talking about. Shogo, give some earthly explanations to make me understand, please. I lost you, man.”

I Am So Happy Today

Seeking the Meaning of Life

I soothed him with tears of laughter in my eyes, “Okay, okay, Gerardo. Take it easy, man, ha-ha-ha… just let me continue the story. As I said, we were very happy in the morning. We went to Starbucks to have morning coffee, and we talked about our extraordinary lives. And then we went to Chili’s to have lunch. The food was so delicious, by the way. As usual, Jorgito ate too much. He ordered a double fajita and gulped down everything. His stomach must be bottomless, I guess. After the lunch, we went to Antara Polanco to watch a movie. We watched Avatar, which happened to be a wonderful movie. You must watch it, Gerardo. Anyway, after watching it, we decided to go home, but while we were on the way home, Jorgito suddenly looked toward heaven as if he had gotten divine inspiration and said, ‘Shogo, I am so happy today. Everything was so nice, nice talking at Starbucks, nice food at Chili’s, and the nice movie. I like Avatar so much. Listen, Shogo, the angels of heaven whispered to my right ear just before – they suggested we go to Excess right now so that we’ll have the perfect ending for our night. What do you think? I am serious. It wasn’t one angel; they were seven of them with singing voices. Trust me, Shogo, God wants us to enjoy tonight at the most.’ And he nodded with a solemn smile. I thought why he has suddenly started acting mysterious? Why didn’t he simply say that he wants to go to Excess tonight? Why does he put a haughty air about him? Anyway, it was good idea to celebrate on our enraptured day at Excess; it was indeed the fantastic idea for our blissful day to be finished with sexy vaginas. Thus, I agreed with him immediately. As soon as he got my concession, he aggressively drove to Excess like a happy lunatic. I never see him driving so wild. You see, that was spontaneous! That’s why I couldn’t invite you.”

He burst out laughing, “Son of bitch, okay, okay, I know what stupid Jorge is like when he gets excited, that idiot! However, you must invite me next time you go to Excess, okay? I really want to go there; I always want to go there to touch beautiful vaginas to my heart’s content, ha-ha-ha…. By the way, did you dance with your sweetheart or find a new vagina?”

“Of course, I danced with Elaine, my friend!” my face is brightened and continued, “it was wild, my friends, so wild indeed, believe me. And Jorgito did a thirty-minute dance with a Hungarian vagina, and he came in his pants just two minutes, ha-ha-ha….”

“What? Stupid Jorge danced thirty minutes? He came in his pants just two minutes? Ha-ha-ha, it’s so quick, no? Oh my God, was he excited? That son of bitch really enjoyed last night without me.”

“Yap,” I nodded. “He enjoyed it too much. I never see him in so happy mood, ha-ha-ha….”

“But how about you? Tell me about Elaine. Are you going out with her? She likes you very much. What happened yesterday? For God’s sake, tell me everything, Shogo.”

Stop Talking Such Bullshit!

Seeking the Meaning of Life

I came back to the apartment the following night. It was Sunday. I stayed over at Jorgito’s house after the Saturday night fever with him. Gerardo was eating dinner when I came back to the apartment, and as soon as he saw me entering, he asked me without any preliminary, “Shogo, where were you last night?”

“I was with Jorgito. We went to Excess yesterday,” I replied with a mischievous smile.

“Son of bitch! That’s why you look so happy tonight. I knew it. I knew it, man! I called my mum around 11:00 p.m. yesterday – she said you weren’t at the house and went to watch a movie with Jorge. But I didn’t believe it because it was too late for a movie. I assumed you went to Excess. Why didn’t you invite me? Are you my friend?”

“Calm down, Gerardo, ha-ha-ha! Believe me, it wasn’t conspiracy; it was unintentional. We didn’t plan to go to Excess last night. It just happened.”

He was still peeved and blurted, “What? Just happened? How? In heaven’s name, tell me the truth, Shogo. Or do you want me to kick your Japanese flat ass?”

“Ha-ha-ha, Idiot. Let me explain what happened yesterday. Jorgito and I were in an exceptionally appeased mood yesterday from the morning to the night. Our souls were jubilant, so to speak. We were constantly thanking to God for giving us such a wonderful day. Happy songs were constantly coming from our lips. Even the weather was warm, and the mighty sunshine was shining on us although it was winter. We were just happy to be alive – we had worshiped life the whole day, so to speak.”

“Shut up, man! Ha-ha-ha, I don’t need to hear if you were happy or if stupid Jorge was singing – stop talking such bull-shit! Just tell me how you, guys, ended up to Excess!” he shouted at the top of his lungs.

This is the Best Hamburger I’ve Ever Eaten

Here Elaine came. I invited her to drink and talked to her to my heart’s content. I decided to have a fifteen-minute dance with her. After our dance was over, we came back to the table, hand in hand, but Jorgito was not there. While we were chatting about trivial things, he came back to our table as happy as a god. He announced, “Shogo, we have to go right now because it’s been past 2:00 a.m.”

So we said good-bye to Elaine, and I promised to take her out next Tuesday because Tuesday is only her day off. Before we left, she whispered something into his left ear. As soon as we sailed out, I asked him what she said to him.

“Shogo, she is really in love with you. You know what she said? She said to me, ‘Oh, how I love him.’ Oh my God, you are very lucky, man. I saw she kissed you in front of everyone with her eyes closed. You know, it’s prohibited to kiss clients on the main dancing floor, but she didn’t care. You should go out with her.”

“Ha-ha-ha, I know she loves me, and I love her. We’re going out next Tuesday, my friend.”

“Really? Of course, I’m going with you.”

We were coming to the parking which has a little vender selling hamburgers and hotdogs.

“Let’s eat hamburgers, Shogo.”

He ordered hamburgers for us and said with a bright smile, “Shogo, I danced and came in my pants.”

“Ha-ha-ha, you’re joking. Really? You came in your pants? How?”

He tightened his lips and nodded three times, “Yes, Shogo. I came. I came in just two minutes.”

I burst out laughing with tears on my eyes, “Idiot! You came in only two minutes! You are the quickest man alive on this earth, ha-ha-ha. Who’s the lucky girl? Danced only one song?”

“You saw the blond one who has a lascivious ass. She is Hungarian. She knows how to move and how to arouse a man’s lust. I had a thirty-minute dance with her.”

“What? Are you out of your mind? That’s why you were away such a long time? You said you didn’t have money and were constantly worried about the expense. How come? You paid two thousand pesos? What’s happened while I was dancing with Elaine?”

“Nothing special, man. I just asked the Hungarian vagina to come to my table. In fact, we talked a little. As soon as she touched my prick, and I grabbed her huge teats, my erection looked toward heaven. I naturally yelled at a waitress in order to buy a ticket. And we went into the room, hand in hand, you know, in the dark corner.”

“Ha-ha-ha, asshole. Well, I am so glad you enjoyed dancing with her. It was good news, man. I’ve been enjoying everything today, my friend. We had a great day.”

“Yes, I’ve enjoyed so much, too. I like today very much. Everything is great today, and finishing with Excess is the perfect ending. Just perfect. Oh my God, this is very delicious. I love this hamburger very much. This is the best hamburger I’ve ever eaten. Stop laughing, Shogo. It’s true. It’s so delicious. I’m so happy, my friend, although my underwear is in a sorry condition right now, and it gives me an uncomfortable feeling though. Shogo, we have to come back to Excess soon. You know, I don’t have money, but….”

Fair Enough

Seeking the Meaning of Life

“I know, Shogo. I should stop thinking about it, but it’s so difficult. It’s goddamn difficult. You surely understand what I’m talking about. You, too, if you are in love with someone, it’s difficult for you to erase such things in your mind – that’s why you don’t want to have a girlfriend right now, so that you can focus only on writing without unnecessary distractions.”

“Yeah, you are absolutely right about that. I know it’s hard for you to ignore such things, but try not to think about it for your own sake, okay?”

“Yes, I will. Shogo, look over there. Elaine is dancing. She is very beautiful, man. You should invite her after the dance.”

“Oh my God! She is so beautiful today. In my eyes she is beautiful more than ever. I’ll invite her right after the dance. No more reconnoiter! I don’t need other vaginas. She is the one I want to dance with tonight.” I declared excitedly.

“Of course, she is your sweetheart. You know, I really think she loves you,” he nodded mysteriously.

“A bright smile spreads on her face whenever she sees you as if you were Jesus Christ. You have to ask her out. The last time she asked for your telephone number. Why don’t you ask her out? I think she has a lot of whore friends. We can go out with them.”

“What? You think you’re invited to our date, ha-ha-ha…. Of course, I’ll ask her to bring her friends for you, my friend. Are you sure that you are in love with Heather? Do you want to fuck other vaginas?”

“Of course, Shogo. When Heather comes to Mexico, I can’t fuck other vaginas. Therefore, I’ve promised to myself that I would fuck many vaginas before she comes.”

“Fair enough. You shall fuck many vaginas. Trust me on that score, ha-ha-ha…. Anyway, have you decided which one you’re going to dance with?”

“Not yet, man. I’m still looking. Maybe, I’ll dance only one song tonight because you know, I don’t have money.”

“Idiot, are you still talking about money? Just enjoy, man.”