Offensive Alarm Clock

Monday was coming. I had to go to the diabolical job; therefore, I could not show my friends around Tokyo. Their parents decided to go to Tokorozawa for ambling on Prope Street. Gerardo, Jorgito, and Leticia have a plan for one day ski trip to Gala Yuzawa. I had already organized the trip for them and had to take them to Tokyo Station, so that they could hop in a bullet train. My work sift would begin at 11:00 a.m., and the bullet train’s departure would be at 10:50 a.m. It would take five minutes for me to get the office from Tokyo Station, so everything was supposed to be in order….

Gerardo and Jorgito were excited since the morning, for they loved skiing. They could not find any places to enjoy skiing in Mexico, so this was the rare opportunity for them to go skiing. We had to wake up at 8:00 a.m., so that we could take a shower in rotation and would be ready to sail out the house at 9:00 a.m. sharp. We were disrespectfully woken up by Gerardo’s offensive alarm clock. At eight sharp in the morning, he bombed the longest fart, that the world has not produced yet since the creation. Jorgito was springing up abruptly as if a shark had bitten his ass and screaming, “Shogo, please open the goddamn window for this right instance before I’m suffocated to death! Hurry up, man!”

I was rushing to open the window widely to let the fresh air invite in. To my great amazement, his fart had not been stopped yet. Jorgito was covering his nose with his right hand and bellowed, “Gerardo, turn your disgusting alarm clock off right fucking now! Your fart is always on time, I admit, but today‘s fart is too long! Are you a skank or what? Golly, I can’t believe that a human being can produce such a long fart!”


You’re a Dreamer And Champion of Life

Here he looked at the other way, checked his temper, and inhaled the air slowly in order to calm himself down. I was just waiting for him to continue hurling his reproach at me, since he was perfectly right, and I deserved it: I was disgraceful and coward. Besides, I had no excuses whatsoever, but I simply needed to admit my embarrassing circumstances.

After a brief silence, he carried on with resentful tears in his eyes, “Shogo, I know you need to earn and save money, so that you can escape from Japan. I’m not a dumbbell, you know. But you can’t let yourself down in such a shameful fashion, and you can’t pretend to respect those whom you despise. Amigo, you always have to remember who you are, for you have the important mission to achieve. You weren’t born to be working for five days a week; you were born to be an artist. You’re a dreamer and champion of life, remember? You always tell me that we must always remain who we truly are, but I couldn’t see true Shogo today – I am very sorry for that. It hurts me so much, you know….”

After we went to Sibuya for shopping, Jorgito confessed me that he was being between a job right now, and his new job would be starting on the fifteenth of January. He was terrified of being an imminent slave soon, since he knew that he could not take such a humiliation anymore, namely, pretending to obey his future boss. Before he went back to Mexico to become a salve again, he needed to be encouraged for going through his new ordeal and wanted to see me fighting for my dear life with dignity. However, when he saw my shameful situation, he was offended to the core of his being and could not forgive me for allowing myself to become an utter failure.

Break the Mysterious Silence

To my great surprise, even his parents seemed to concur with his conclusion and somewhat looked relieved. We decided to go to Akihabara because they wanted to see the technology town. While Gerardo, his parents, and Leticia were busy looking for something valuable to buy, Jorgito finally decided to break the mysterious silence. He asked me to have a talk with him privately, so we informed them that Jorgito and I were waiting for them outside.

As soon as we became alone, Jorgito uttered indignantly, “I’m hugely disappointed in you, amigo!”


He spat on the street twice, stared at the distance for a few minutes, and began his tirade, “Amigo, why the hell are you wasting your time with the virgin prick? It’s utterly scandalous for a human being to have such a creepy prick like him, as a boss. Oh my God, even his eyes were constantly glued to Leticia’s ass! Shame on you, man! You have to write a book instead of being a salve. Today I really couldn’t recognize you while your boss was being around with us. You’re my friend, so I have to tell you the truth – you were utterly disgraceful, you know. Why did you talk to him courteously and why did you sometimes bowed slightly to him? I was constantly talking to myself under my breath in the whole afternoon, ‘Is that my friend Shogo? When Shogo is in Japan, does he shamelessly transmute into a complaisant fart? Why doesn’t he quit the fucking job and start living on his life in his own way? And so on and so forth.’ Shogo, do you remember when we passionately talked about our missions in Acapulco? At that moment, you were as strong as Great Ajax, and I helplessly admired your courage. But look at yourself now, amigo, you’re resignedly working five days a week, and to cap it all, you meekly bow to the fucking virgin prick! It was too much for me to witness your total degradation. How long are you planning to continue degenerating yourself? Please wake up, man, you’re punishing yourself!”

What Was Bothering in His Heart?

While we were strolling on streets of Asakusa, I noticed two arresting aspects. Mr. Virgin was infatuatedly talking to Leticia and never letting her go – that was quite welcome for us, so that we could enjoy by ourselves. However, I was a bit worried about Jorgito’s mysterious silence. As a matter of fact, he was the most excited one to see Asakusa and constantly singing while snapping fingers since the morning. But alas, as soon as he casted his eyes on Mr. Virgin, he decidedly became dumb as if lightning struck him. I knew that he loves visiting historical places and seeing traditional things, and yet I could clearly see that his excitement was completely gone, and even he did not show any interests. What was bothering in his heart?

The upshot was that even Leticia could not stand Mr. Virgin either. She suddenly approached me lifelessly and started complaining, “Hey my best, I don’t like your boss too much. He is very ugly like a beaten horse, ha-ha-ha…. You must help me to get rid of him. He is constantly talking to me about Japanese history and tried to make some jokes, but they’re so boring, you know…. Even I can’t pretend to laugh with his prosaic jokes that are actually driving me crazy. Shogo, you must do something!”

It was past 4:00 p.m., and Mr. Virgin finally left us alone. I told him that we had some plans for the night only for us, so I could not invite him unfortunately. But I promised him that we would be joining the office party. He disgruntled my lame excuse about five minutes and morosely went home. As soon as Mr. Virgin disappeared into the thin air, Gerardo exclaimed, “Thank God! At last, yes, at last, virgin prick left us alone! Good riddance! You know, Shogo, to be candid with you, I can’t stand your virgin boss. If he’d tried to stay with us more thirty minutes, I would’ve definitely shot him. Oh yeah, I willingly become a coldblooded murderer for the sake of human race, so to speak. Trust me, my friend, the overbearing asshole is ought to be shot!”

You’re Working under the Virgin!

My company allowed me to have a holiday vacation from December 28 to January 4, but I persuaded Mr. Virgin of giving me extra day-offs. He allowed me to have the holiday vacation from December 27 to January 5 with two conditions: I have to invite him at least one activity; my Mexican friends and I had to join the office party on December 26. It was total shame for me to introduce my boss and colleagues to my friends, but I had no choice.

The following morning, we had a plan to go to Asakusa to see some Japanese traditional things with a bossy intruder. Firstly, we went to Ikebukuro Station to meet Mr. Virgin. As we arrived at the station, he had been already waiting for us. To my great dismay, he was dressed up with a shining black long coat, Armani suit, black leather gloves, and carefully polished shoes. After I introduced my friends to Mr. Virgin, we went to Big Camera, for Gerardo and his father needed to buy a digital camera. On the way to Big Camera, Gerardo could not refrain from making some remarks in a wispier, “Shogo, how can you do that to yourself, man? Can’t you recognize that your boss is goddamn virgin? Oh my God, you’re working under the virgin!”

“How could you recognize that he is immaculate?” I was startled.

“Are you nuts? It’s obvious, man! At the fast glance, I recognize he is eternal virgin, so to speak. How old is that asshole?”

I looked down, tried doing my best to prevent from bursting out laughing, and muttered, “He is thirty years-old virgin, my friend.”

Here Gerardo could not refrain from bursting out laughing and let himself laugh uproariously till tears streaming down his cheeks. Mr. Virgin asked me why he was laughing head off, but I did not say anything and called Leticia to talk to him as camouflage. After Gerardo laughed to his heart’s content, he wondered, “By the way, why the hell is the unsullied prick donning the unnecessary expensive clothes for the outing?”

“That’s his style.”

He gave another hysterical laughter and said, “Shogo, you should quit your job before you are contaminated. Please I really beg you, ha-ha-ha….”