I’ll Be Their Man

There was Nakao san. He was as fat as a sumo wrestler. He always ate two enormous meals at a lunch break. He always told me that he had to eat as much as he could at a lunch time, so that he did not need to eat a huge dinner. According to him, it is not good for us to eat huge dinner; it is good for us to have a huge lunch, so that we can keep on being in a good shape. He always bought two huge meals at lunch time from Thai and Japanese restaurants. I always reproached him that it was not good for his health to eat two big meals at all once. Every time I reproached him; I was lectured how to get lose a weight. He would show off his infinite knowledge: “Shogo san, you don’t understand anything about how a human body can work. We’d better eat a huge meal at the lunch time, so that we won’t feel famished in the night. It’s bad for us to eat a huge dinner in the night, but unfortunately, most people don’t know about the simple fact. That’s why so many people are overweight nowadays. If they have some knowledge about losing a weight effectively, many people will be able to keep on being in a good shape without harming their health. As a matter of fact, I know how to lose a weight safely, since I’ve attempted to do it many times. Obviously, you don’t need to lose your weight, Shogo san, because you’re very thin. But if your friends ever need some help for losing their weight with a touch of an expert, I’ll be their man.” His height was 175 cm, and weight was about 115 kg. He ate two enormous meals at the lunch time and constantly chewed a mouthful of snacks during the office work. Of course, he obviously knew about his business and what he talked about, didn’t he?

A Complete Nightmare

We were five people at the general office: Mr. Virgin, Kaita san, Nakao san, Nishida san, and me. I was shocked to see such unworthy characters gathering at the work environment. Their existences themselves contaminated the workplace, so to speak. Here are the brief introductions of my mean colleagues:

First of all, there was my boss; he always garmented with expensive clothes beyond his financial means and constantly had debts. As an eternal virgin, he wanted to show off more than he actually was, because the law firm had a lot of secretaries who occasionally came to the general office to ask our help. If he had a pleasant conversation with one of secretaries, we could not stop him – he was ultimately infatuated and everlastingly talked to us about asking her out for a dinner with an awful grin on his distorted mug. To tell the truth, he had never had good conversations with them. For him, if he exchanged greetings with them or if he talked with them about weather, it would be definitely something. He would say excitedly, “Shogo san, I just had a wonderful conversation with Hoshi san. We talked about autumn is passing soon, and forlorn winter is approaching to us. Gee, what a romantic conversation we had just before! I daresay it’s a bit poetic, isn’t it? Anyway, when I hinted her about changing the season, she smiled at me. I noticed it. It’s a good omen, Shogo san; I’m thinking about inviting her to a state dinner tonight, you know. What do you think?  The first date must be at a glamorous restaurant, don’t you think so? Shogo san, please give me your advice.”

Can you imagine if he had such preposterous conversations with one of them three times a day? It would be a complete nightmare; he would become a mighty champion! I was forced to listen to his mambo jumbo all day, and he annoyingly repeated the same old song and dance with a rap movement, dangling his limbs. The worst part was that he sincerely thought that he was exceptionally handsome and cool – he always looked at a pocket mirror and admired his face with a lecherous grin. Pray tell me, what could I do with such a nincompoop like him?

She Is Dead to Me

I am always wondering, especially, Japanese women who are always very quiet and meek when they are alone, but if they have some friends, they will change their behavior in an unpleasant way to be mean people. I was just witnessed this degusting transformation two days ago. When I went to a gym to attend a dance class, one sorry woman (around 48 years-old) was attending this class as well.

I usually don’t want to talk to her because my first instinct told me that she is not a good person, but she is forever trying to talk to me and desperately trying to attend the same class with me, so I have no choice but let myself talk to her occasionally. On the contrary, I always talk to an instructor very friendly because she is my friend. She had not taught the dance class before, but she has started teaching this class from this month on.

Lo and behold! I just witnessed the sickest and meanest behavior under the sun on this face of earth: this sorry woman started an evil gossip with two old crows. She was started gossiping about me as loud as a megaphone in order to make me hear it, I guess. She was talking to them that I am in loved with the instructor – that is why I always exercise beside her so that I can be closer to her. And continued with a disgusting mag that I did not attend the dance class before, but I have started attending it now, because she has started teaching it! Moreover, the goddamn vagina said, “look at him, he looks happy, he is too enjoying – he has too much energy because of being with the instructor!

I was amazed to see her talk in this horrible way: this sorry vagina was indeed ridiculing me and making fun of me! When she is alone, she has no courage to behave like in this frivolous way, but when she is with some friends, she transforms herself to be a mean vagina and shine her evil character awfully.

Of course, I did not say anything and just ignored her as if she did not exist, since I really did not give any shit to her.  And most importantly, I hate this kind of mean creatures.

I am wondering why she behaves like a high school student, since she is a goddamn old vagina. I am wondering why she always mind my business and cannot understand that this is not her business. I am wondering why she cannot mind only her own business.

I think that her everyday life is boring and nothing: her daily life is not interesting: she is living in a humdrum life. I believe that nobody cares about her, and she always lives on her day the same as yesterday – that is why she always thinks about other people’s business. She is constantly jealous and envy of other people. I am very sorry for her.

What I have learned from this unpleasant experience is that I must trust my first instinct that she is not a good person, and I should have never allowed her to talk with me in the first place: I must show any mercy on people like her. I have promised myself that I will never let her talk to me and will delete her existence from my mind: she is dead to me from now on.

What a Disgrace!

The following day, I went to the job interview. Tani san and Ishida san were my interviewers. Tani san was from the head-quarter office, and Ishida san would be my future boss. I vividly remember my first impression about my boss. He was as thin as a matchstick and had a face as long as a fiddle. And on top of it all, a queer aura was about him that only a virgin can possess. At the first glance, one thing was as transparent as dawn coming from east to me that he was the type of a guy who has been masturbating in all his life. He had a quality, you know, he definitely had a quality that only a virgin is able to produce. I was thinking to myself, “Dear me, I have to work under the thirty years old virgin! What a disgrace!”

The interview was having at the main floor of the building where some chairs and tables were arranged. As soon as we greeted each other, they started explaining me what my future tasks would be. I was told that I would be working on the tenth floor of this building at where a British law firm was located. I would be assigned to work at a general office. The main task for me was that I would copy legal documents, sort mails, and help lawyers. “It’s a sort of job that one can do without brains. It’ll be convenient for me to take this trivial job, so that I’ll have enough energy to study after work,” I nodded to myself.

Tani san suddenly switched a language and asked me in English if I could speak well English, since the law firm has many foreign lawyers, and English would be the essential tool to communicate with them. Moreover, she told me that four people were working at the general office right now, but none of them could speak well English, including Ishida san, who pompously proclaimed to be able to speak five different languages, notwithstanding in all his life he had been only to America for two months. As a result, she was looking for a person who spoke well English.

After I demonstrated my English, they become speechless and asked me to come to the office the next Monday to start working. It was quickly settled as if devil intentionally put me into the horrendous pit.

If I had known that I would have worked with meanest bastards walking on two legs under the sun, I would have free from doubt declined the offer. However, I had no idea at that moment that I would allow myself to be jumping into the center of the abominable fire.

In point of fact, it did not take much time for me to understand my colleagues’ characters; on the contrary, they were too much generous and free to show off their meanness from the beginning.

The Most Embarrassing Task under the Sun

It was the end of September, and I was as poor as a church mouse. I even hesitated to enter a cafe to have fresh coffee. To tell the truth, my state of poverty was pretty scandal. As a result, I had reached the conclusion: I had no choice – I had to put myself into a humiliating position, namely, taking a pathetic job again. I was supposed to go back to Vancouver to start writing a book a year ago, but I still did not know how to escape form the inferno. I was feeling that I had to do something to change my abortive circumstances before I was knocking my head to a wall like a lost freak.

The most imperative task for the desperate undertaking was that I must have looked for the most insignificant job, which was available, so that my mind would be free all the time to think. Thinking and improving myself were the two top priorities at that moment. I could not waste my brain to think about a stupid job, so I needed a job without wearing my brain out. In addition, I would have to have enough energy left to study my favourite books with full attention after work. With that in my mind, I had inaugurated the most embarrassing task under the sun: looking for a job.

Twenty minutes after searching for a job on internet, I found an unimportant position that Williams Lea Japan had posted. I called the company, and they wanted to have a job interview with me right away. And also, they explained me that the interview was not getting held at their headquarter office; it was getting held at Meiji Yasuda Building, where I would be supposed to work. Thereupon, I decided to have the job interview with full of morbid aspect at my heart. From that moment on everything was getting so fast, and things were just out of my control.