I Totally Agree with You

He lit a cigarette and went on, “At any rate, thanks to your sonorous fart for getting rid of the filthy vagina. She got enraged and just decamped with a terrible shriek, ha-ha-ha….”

“She deserved it!” I snapped indignantly.

My remark must have finished him; he suddenly exploded with laughter, holding his belly with his hands. After he laughed to his heart’s content, he said affirmatively with still laughter of tears in his eyes, “Yap, you’re goddamn right. I totally agree with you. That horrid vagina certainly deserved your contempt fart, ha-ha-ha…. To tell the truth, I enormously regret that I didn’t blast my Molotov cocktail right on her face at the first place, you know…. By the way, tomorrow we should go to my parent’s house, so that you can say good-bye to my folk… damn it! I still can’t believe that I didn’t jig with any vaginas tonight. But what can we do? Should I just wait for my stallion to simmer down? Shit, we definitely need Excess, my friend!”

My Patience Has a Limit

At last, one vagina came to our table. She was decidedly an unattractive vagina. This was a last straw for Gerardo, and he exploded, “Oh my God! It’s too much, it’s too much, my friend. I’ve been waiting for beautiful vaginas for three hours like a good altar boy, but not like this one. Can you believe that only one ugly vagina has showed up to our table? What a nightmare! Christ, time has elapsed so quickly, we have no choice, man, we have to pick up some vaginas to have a private dance. But I can’t find any vaginas who I fancy to jig with. Wait, Shogo, I’ll ask this vagina how much she’ll ask for a private dance. Give me a second, my friend.”


“It’s goddamn outrage!” he bellowed. “Can you beat it? Fucking vagina named me extravagant price only for two songs! You know what? I’m not going to have any private dance tonight. I right on refuse to pay such an extravagant price for ugly vaginas. By the way, she told me that you can boink her, but you have to pay five thousand pesos. Can you believe that this gross vagina is offering us such an absurd price?”

I had been very patient, but it was the last straw for me. I was not Gandhi; my patience had a limit. My vexation was just reached to the maximum. I could no longer refrain from exploding and flared up, “Idiot! That’s why I’ve told you countless times that we should change the place, but you, son of bitch, adamantly refused my suggestion right in my face. Guess what? What happened? Now the foul vagina is asking us the fucking extravagant price! God forbids! It’s your fucking fault, man. I can’t believe myself that I even don’t have any private dances in my very last raid of a strip club under the Mexican sky! Gerardo, you annihilated my last mission, man, you really annihilated it, man!”

With that, I let myself give a loud fart in order to insult the unreasonable vagina.

“Oh my God! What was that? You, son of bitch, gave such a loud fart in the public place!” Gerardo was astounded.

“I didn’t intend to produce such a loud fart. To be earnest with you, it was much louder than I expected,” I explained confoundedly.

“What, son of bitch? Didn’t expect it? Shame on you, man! Don’t you have any compunction? You’re constantly polluting my fatherland, man! Mexico has been kind to you, welcomed you with open arms, and accepted you as a spiritual brother. On top of it all, Mexico has inspired you to launch on writing your very first book. But you, son of bitch, gave such a loud fart to the face of Mexican soil! You owe Mexico, and this is how you repay it to my country?”

I Don’t Understand Anything

I decidedly did not trust him; I trusted my professional eyes and instinct. I am the first discipline of Ramon Garcia the pimp master; he has taught me how to distinguish from a good strip club to a sucked strip club. My eyes have been trained, and I have been educated how to reconnoiter a place at the first glance by one of the great pimp masters in our generation. All in all, thanks to Ramon, I now have the ability to sense an erroneous ambiance in a matter of seconds. My every single fiber had been against this God forbidden place since I sailed in. Unfortunately, Gerardo, Fernando, and Eloy had not been trained enough to perceive this wrong ambiance; they were scandalously pleased and ignorantly anticipating for dazzling vaginas to sweet their feet off, with a high spirit. I was indescribably vexed.

A good two hours had elapsed without any vaginas coming to our table. Gerardo was getting anxious and uttered with obvious uneasiness, “Shogo, I don’t understand anything. Why the hell haven’t any vaginas come to our table? It seems to me that they’re forever congregating around the same clients over and over. And to cap it all, I can’t see any beautiful vaginas, but only ugly vaginas. I’m starting to realize that I’ve made an unforgivable mistake, namely, trusting fucking Fernando.”

I lit a cigarette and puffed in the air. And then I replied in frustrated voice, “I’ve already told you that this place sucks, but you didn’t listen to me, son of bitch! I’ve suggested you a number of times that we should change the place, but you’ve headstrongly landed your Mexican ass on the sofa and refused to move an inch as stubborn as a mule. It’s fucking your fault, I tell you, man!”

“Easy, man, take it easy, man! It’s not my fault but fucking Fernando’s fault, man! So please stop yelling at me. My friend, you know how much I want to have a private dance tonight. I’ve asked Fernando and Eloy to change the place many times, but they said they can’t, for they bought expensive bottles of tequila. They can’t move till they finished them. The essential problem is that Eloy is a fucking table dance virgin, so he is just excited by watching naked vaginas parading around – he’s already turned on. Look at his fly, Shogo, it is widely open! Can you beat it? What a humiliating prick!”

Something Was Wrong with this God Forbidden Place

We made the worst mistake, namely, trusting Fernando. He assured us that we would have a great time, and the place was awesome. I did not remember the name of the place, since it was the dampest strip club I’ve ever let my immaculate feet step in under the Mexican sky. The upshot was that he brought an unwelcome extra package, Eloy. At my great horror, Eloy was garmented full-length, with a full of pink attires except his jeans: his t-shirt was pink, his jacket was pink, his cap was pink, his list band was pink, his underwear was pink, his socks were pink, and his shoes were pink. “Golly, what on earth is this Mexican monkey thinking? What the meaning of these pink costumes?” I thought to myself disconcertingly.

As soon as I entered the place, I recognized that something was wrong with this God forbidden place. I just felt that the ambiance of the place was not right. However, Gerardo, Fernando, and Eloy were accelerated by greeting from three mediocre vaginas and ordered two expensive bottles of tequila forthwith. I warned Gerardo that we had to change the place before it would be too late and explained how awful this place was and that we were just wasting our time and money. But infatuated Gerardo did not listen to my observation and announced breathlessly, “We shall stay here and have a private dance! Relax, Shogo, it’s too early – that’s why we can see only few vaginas. Just wait and be patient, man! You’ll see the place being packed with a full of sexy vaginas soon enough. You’ll see, you’ll see, my friend. Trust Gerardo Veloz!”

I’m Not a Philanthropist

It was about 10:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Gerardo and I decided to foray into a strip club the very last time before I left Mexico for the new chapter of my life. My sweet heart Elaine informed me sad news about two weeks ago: Excess was closed. And also she told me that she was working for Don John’s temporary and asked me to visit her there. It was a gigantic shock for Gerardo as if a boulder smashed on his head. He received the doleful news with sorrowful tears in his eyes, as though he extended condolences to a bereaved. Ergo, he was racking his brain to figure out where we should crash tonight and whined in distress, “Why, man? Why, my friend? Why in the name of God was Excess shut down? How could they possibly take Excess away from the poor Mexican orphan? Excess was my refuge and my life. Excess was not expensive, provided wonderful services, and had a number of beautiful vaginas. Sometimes I really don’t comprehend why such a holy citadel is demolished. Due to this tragedy, right now I really don’t know where we should foray into. I always went to Excess, so I don’t know of any good strip clubs except goddamn expensive one. Don John’s is unreasonably expensive and has second rate vaginas. I’ll refuse to spend my money on awful vaginas; I’m not a philanthropist, you know…. Anyway, do you remember Fernando, who is my business associate? He’ll join our force tonight and told me that he knows about a place where we might be able to have fun. I’m not sure if I can trust that prick, but we have no choice; just follow his lead. I hope to Christ that he won’t disappoint us!”