Goodbye and Good Luck with the Stupid Job

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I understand how he felt that night, for I indeed have the same illness and have had the same horrible experiences; however, I cannot refrain from bursting out laughing and letting myself laugh uproariously. After laughing my head off, I reply with tears of laughter in my eyes, “Sorry amigo, I’m laughing so much. Please forgive me. But don’t worry about your misfortune, because I completely understand how you felt and how humiliated you were that night. You can’t hold it when you get a UC attack. But allow me to ask you – how did it happen, amigo? Because we slept in the same room with Gerardo and Gabriel, and nobody noticed anything unusual.”

He explains abashedly, “Because I cleaned and washed the goddamn sheet and blanket myself in the bathroom surreptitiously.”

I am still laughing like a madman. “Was it really true?” I tease him, “you washed them in the crack of the morning. Did you tiptoe out of the room? Sorry man, but it’s one of the funniest things I have ever heard in my life. Heaven, it’s so hilarious!”

“Oh, please, Shogo, stop laughing. I’m so serious and worried about the stupid illness and caca!”

Pause.

“Pay attention, amigo, I haven’t finished it yet,” he continues, “the other horrible incident occurred while I was driving for a job interview. In my despair, I was caught in a traffic jam. What bad luck! You know how terrible Mexican traffic jam is – it’s unbelievable. Anyway, I couldn’t move due to the goddamn traffic jam, and suddenly, my stomach got a familiar and detestable sensation. Can you imagine that I got a UC attack in the middle of the traffic jam? I was so panicked, man! I couldn’t get off the car and couldn’t find any goddamn bathroom. And it was too late. While I was panic-stricken to find the way out, caca was shooting out like an avalanche. I couldn’t hold it; actually, it was impossible for a human being to hold it. I gathered all my superhuman strength to hold it and squeezed my ass with all my might, but the calamity of the UC attack was ineluctable. And the worst part was that I surrendered to the forthcoming disgrace with dismay, ah!”

“Ha-ha-ha…. Oh my God! What a humiliating blow!” I am guffawing. “You got the UC attack in the middle of a traffic jam? Heaven, you don’t say! It was helpless, man. What happened then? Did you go to the job interview?”

“Idiot!” he screams. “Are you out of your mind? How could I go to the job interview with caca on my pants? No, brother, I didn’t go to the stupid job interview. I called them and said I no longer wanted to take a goddamn job anymore. Goodbye and good luck with the stupid job. With that, I hung up. I had to endure such an unpleasant feeling for two hours to get home to wash myself. Can you imagine that caca was in my pants for two hours? I opened all the windows to let the fresh air in, but it didn’t work. The smell was repulsive. My caca contaminated my BMW, so to speak. It was abhorrent and humiliating!”

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