Today I Feel Everything Is Wrong

Spring is coming with the scent of flowers, and trees are blossoming everywhere. The balmy weather makes me tranquil, and the sunshine gives me vigor. I have been writing serenely with diligence since my return to Mexico City. Now I can concentrate on writing fully and can spend all my time with writing. By virtue of Gerardo and Jorgito, who have generously provided a congruous milieu for me, I do not worry about anything; I am able to do what my heart desires every single minute. They are truly good friends. I feel so alive and live in harmony with the universe every day. I am beginning to be in love with myself and my life, day by day.

One day when I came back to the apartment in order to resume my work from my night perambulation through the park, an unanticipated scene was waiting for me. When I stepped into the room, a stark-naked Gerardo was lying on the bed and watching TV with vacant eyes. When I saw his ugly naked body, uncontrollable laughter assaulted me, and I let myself burst out laughing at him uproariously. And I said, with tears in my eyes, “Oh my God! You’re so disgusting. Cover yourself up, man!”

He seemed utterly crestfallen and seemed not to care about anything, including showing off his shrunken stallion. He glanced at me and muttered, “Have you ever really felt down in the dumps in your life?”

“Yes, I have. Anyway, please cover yourself up for God’s sake. Please, Gerardo!”

“What’s the difference if one wears fancy clothes, or if one is naked when he has no hope for his life?”

“Okay, okay, my friend. I understand your spirit is all torn up somehow, but right now, I need you to cover yourself up, so that we can discuss your gloomy prospects. Gerardo, please behave like a human being.”

“Selfish son of a bitch! You don’t let me be naked in my own apartment!” he cried out. “I’m trying to live as a primitive form of life anyway. Okay, I’ll dress, shit!” With that, he reluctantly picked up his clothes and started putting them on with ostentatious slowness, like a rebuked child.

I inquired tenderly, “What happened to you? Why are you all in all saturated with downheartedness for life, my friend?”

“I don’t know, Shogo. Today I feel everything is wrong. I don’t understand why I have to go to work every day, since I hate my job so much. And the worst part is that I don’t believe in what I am doing. I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I envy you, Shogo, for your life has meaning every single day. You absolutely know what you want to do for the rest of your life. You are lucky to be able to recognize what your heart desires. However, the majority of people, including me, don’t know what we want from our lives. We just go to work every day without thinking anything, since the world works this way.” He lit a cigarette, and his eyes were downcast. And he continued, “You know, today I tried to watch TV and tried to play X-box in order to cheer myself up, but nothing cheered me up; on the contrary, I’m getting more and more depressed. Tell me, Shogo, have you ever been in despair like this in your life?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s