I have no idea how long I have been depressed and dispirited. I have no idea how long I have been living in total despair. I am sad all the time and have no energy for anything. Even I do not care about anything, I mean that I really do not care about anything – I even don’t give any shit to women. Even I have no idea when this awful depression has started, but one thing is crystal clear to me: I have an infinite void in my heart. The funny part is that, you know, my dear readers (If I have any), nobody notices my state of depression, except my Mexican and Columbian friends. People always say to me, “You look so happy and energetic! Why do you always look so happy?” Can you beat it? No Japanese people notice my depression and say to me, “Are you okay? Why are you so depressed? No sir! No single individual offers me any sympathetic words! The truth is that people are able to see only other people’s appearances; people are not able to see other people’s heart.
Life has been so hard for me for years, since I have lost any hope for my future and enthusiasm for life itself. When I was young, I had a dream, you know, I wanted to be an artist. I had undying passion and respect for writing. I was so happy every day, since my whole energy went to writing. I loved reading books and could not pass the day without reading them. But not anymore. I have completely lost my faith in writing and passion for it. I have been no purpose in my life for years. My life has become just a humdrum existence and I have kept frittering my time away every single day….