He Is Truly a Confounded Man

He is crazy in a good way, as well as the most heartfelt person with a great deal of curiosity about life whom I have ever met in all my life. Whenever I think about him, I burst out laughing exhilaratingly, because we have enjoyed a number of crazy adventures that only a few people can have a privilege to experience in one’s lifetime. Even if he calls me bitch all the time, his friendship with me and his affection toward me are genuine. I still do not understand why he has been so kind and extremely generous to me throughout our past friendship. I still remember vividly as if it was yesterday that when I stayed at his house in Guadalajara eight years ago, he let me sleep in his bedroom on his bed, while he slept in his father’s room. Next day I could not refrain from asking him, “Ramon, where did you sleep last night? Why did you let me sleep in your room?”

He said with an embarrassing smile, “Bitch, you don’t have to feel worried about where I slept, because this is your house, and you are very welcome to stay in my room as long as you want to stay here. This is at least I can do for you, you know, I am a student right now, so I don’t have much money on me. Let me tell you, I am so happy because you are here, thanks for coming! That’s everything for me, bitch!”

Ramon and I have had the incredible history throughout our dynamic nine-year adventures. And he is right about saying, “Life has passed so fast with a great deal of changes every single day that is hard to believe.” Indeed, many things have changed the past nine years, and the time has elapsed so fast. Now he is married! I still cannot believe how this crazy bastard wakes up at seven in the morning to go to work every day. He is truly a confounded man!

What a Wonderful Memory

And he has sent me reminiscent message right after his return to Playa Del Carmen from the honeymoon:


Heeeyyy fucking Biatchh…!!

How are you, my express shit friend, ha-ha-ha…? How is everything at the Japanese Fox River, ha-ha-ha…?  Let me tell you that I have been worried about you because of your illness. Man, are you still shitting every two minutes like a fucking mad cow, ha-ha-ha…? Have you changed your doctor? Is your stomach getting better? If your condition doesn’t get better, you must change your doctor, man! I have been continuing to shit as you, ha-ha-ha… Maybe, we have the same fucking illness, me with the fucking Maya’s and you with the fucking Japanese dickheads, ha-ha-ha….

Let me confess that when I was at the high alter on the wedding, I started having flashbacks about at Mens Club with you, ha-ha-ha. That was the best five-night-orgy that we have ever spent together dancing and touching the best two blonde bitches at the club, ha-ha-ha. Man, I love these memories so much, including such a lot of wonderful moments in Vancouver, where we had a number of parties at your apartment with fucking Miki and Kaori! Man, what a wonderful memories; we have been watching with each other how life and destiny have brought us along past nine years. I truly thank and appreciate for your eternal friendship, man!

How is your book going on? I consider about myself one of your fervent fellows. Are you still planning to move to Vancouver? I really hope so, because of your physical condition and mental state. You have to improve them, man, so that you can be the uncle of my fucking future kids, and you can be the godfather of them. And in the future, you have to bring them to Mens Club so that you can give them one of the most essential lessons in life, ha-ha-ha…. Please report your sexual activities to your Pimp Master as soon as you read this message, ha-ha-ha….


I Will Be Your First Fan

After the wedding was over, and I left Mexico, he had sent me the message of passionate appreciation:


Heeeeyyy My Japanese Biatch Brooo…!!!

First of all, let me tell you that I am truly grateful to you with my entire fucking pimp life for having showed your presence at our wedding. Believe me that Patricia and I consider you an extremely special friend, especially me, man. I consider about you as my Japanese brother, ha-ha-ha…. You have a lot of common thoughts with me and have a great deal of common ideas with me. That is why I consider about you a special bitch. And on top of it all, you become a crazy honey bitch like a fucking honey donkey chasing a female ass whenever you see a hot blonde cunt on a street as me, ha-ha-ha…. Man, let me tell you more, as I counted on you with special moment in my life (my execution) to stand by my side, please consider about me as your greatest biatch friend on earth. Whenever you need some help or some advice or whatever life presents in your future, feel free to count on me. I will be ready for you, and I will be open for you 24 hours of 365 days like Seven-Eleven, ha-ha-ha….

By the way, we are fucking happy that you finally started writing your book, man. It is fantastic news actually, and I am proud of you. I really love your style of writing, which is very emotional and real. All I can gather from the piece of writing which you have sent me is that your book is based on real life, real feelings, and real experiences of life. I think that you have accumulated enough experiences from life; therefore, now you are ready for writing your book. And I do not have any doubt that it will be a great book and will inspire a number of people all over the world. I will be your first fan, bitch…. You have to invite me to a party with a bunch of beautiful cunts when you get rich and famous, ha-ha-ha…. How is your life in Japan right now with the fucking Japanese bastards? Ha-ha-ha! Hope to hear from you soon, biatch! Send you a big hug….


Your Mexican biatch brother Ramon

I Will Be Just Married

After I replied to him that I would do my best to attend the wedding, he had sent me another anxious message:


Heeeeyyy Biatchhhh…!!!

Man, believe me that I am still shocked by my impulsive decision and still cannot understand why I have proposed to her. I guess that I must have drunk too much and must have become a maudlin intoxicated son of bitch, ha-ha-ha…. And I am shit-scared of the day of my execution. I had really thought in all my life that I would never marry, but I had been psychologically pressured by her constantly talking about marriage the past goddamn two years, ha-ha-ha! But don’t be worried about me, man, because I will be just married, but I won’t let myself be castrated! Thus, whenever opportunities of wielding my prick rise up, I won’t hesitate a wee bit and will show my art of sexual performance anywhere and anytime. Even if a bitch wants to be fucked publicly, I will stab my rod into her cunt with all my might. I will use my prick ability more than ever that I can promise you, for sure! Ha-ha-ha…. By the way, man, I sincerely appreciate your everlasting friendship and am crazily excited that you are coming to the wedding. You must know that Patricia and I (especially me) have a lot of affection toward you.

The wedding is going to be held in Cancun. It will be much better than in Guadalajara, to be sure. As always, you can stay at my apartment, so do not worry about anything. As you know, my house is always and will be always your house. Also, you do not need to be worried about transportation in Cancun either, because my family has a car here and can take you wherever you wish to go. Of course, you can stay at my apartment all the time you want to be here, so do not worry about anything and just practice your art of sexual performance in Japan for being ready to fuck cunts at the wedding, okay? Ha-ha-ha…. Man, hope to hear from you soon and wish you can do everything to come here to witness on my execution day; that is my last petition from you, ha-ha-ha….

Ramon the almost Dead Man

Personally Invite You to the Day of My Execution

It was the seven months ago that crazy Ramon unexpectedly got married. It was the most astounding news I have ever heard from him, and it was the most wonderful wedding that I have ever attended so far indeed. Before and after the wedding, he had sent me several mad messages, but with a touch of emotion. Here is his way of breaking the shocking news:


Hey fucking Biatch…!

I have been fucking worried about you, man…. Where the fuck are you? Have you been raped? Have any Japanese cunts kidnapped you by chance? Ha-ha-ha….

Man, I have not received any signal from you since eons. The main reason of my urgent e-mail is that I personally invite you to the day of my execution (the wedding date). I consider you one of my best mother fucker biatch friends, ha-ha-ha. I desperately need your presence in the day of my execution and indescribably want you to stand by my side as a best man. You are not allowed to miss the important day without witnessing my execution. This is the last petition of the condemned man from you! It is your duty as my best biatch friend to be present that day. As a result, you must let me know that you will surely attend my execution as a best witness, please.

The date of wedding is on the fourteenth of March 2009. Yes, man, it will be almost in a fucking month, and I will be deader than Henry Miller in his early period of American sorrow, ha-ha-ha.

Please confirm me your arrival as soon as possible. Believe me, Patricia and I really want you to be present at the wedding with us.

Hope to hear from you soon, biatch. I will attach this e-mail with a copy of your invitation.

Big hugs,

Ramon the Cunt Master