Oh My Sweet Lord, She Was Using Me!

He asks me a cigarette, and I light it for him. And then he opens the window, puffs in the air and rambles on while the cool air is blowing in, “Shogo, I have to disclose something, so please listen to me carefully. Tonight I thought that I would be slaughtered by the alcoholic vagina. When she was rushing toward me with a hysterical shriek, I was freaked out and almost shat in my pants. I’m not kidding, my friend. I’m goddamn serious; I’ve never seen such diabolical eyes, with a glint of death in all my life. It was like a slow-motion movie; my life was flashed before my eyes when she tried to attack me in vain. I saw you and me will be still good friends. You’ll knock down a number of books and be a respected writer. And the best part is that I’ll be a very successful business man. My model agency will be flourishing like scent of hyacinths; I’ll open numerous franchises across Pacific Ocean. I will be surrounding with a bunch of sexy vaginas, like Hugh Hefner, and my stallion is smiling… I’ll be so happy, you know, ha-ha-ha….”

I am flabbergasted by his palaver and cannot help remarking, “You, intoxicated son of bitch! Are you drunk? You seem to be a high spirit and try to enjoy every single moment, like a condemned man who is just pardoned from his death sentence, ha-ha-ha…. By the way, I still can’t believe that you bought eight drinks for the booze artist. With such a huge amount of money, you could have a thirty-minute dance twice, man! I’ve never seen a man who blindly buys drinks for a vagina without being compensated. What an asshole, ha-ha-ha….”

“Shut up, man! It was simply out of control and beyond my power. She is so beautiful, man, you know… sometimes things are just out of control… I was fucking infatuated by her charm. Damn it, alcoholic vagina bewitched me, man! Oh my sweet Lord, she was using me! My friend, she was using me, ha-ha-ha….” Here he is suddenly hypnotized by a passing car across the street, staring at it for seconds, and then exclaiming, “Did you see that vagina?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What? Didn’t you see that vagina who was just driving past?”


“For God’s sake, please pay attention, Shogo! She is extremely beautiful. I believe that I’ve just seen a sweet angel fleeting away, you know…. Even though vaginas always deceive me, I love them dearly. You see, I’m totally in thrall to vaginas, and I have no control over them. What a power they have!”

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