I’m Not a Dump Ass

It has been around 7:00 p.m. when Gerardo hotfoots back to the apartment breathlessly. He is twirling into the room and leaping on his bed vigorously. He seems excited about something. He flings his jacket, lights a cigarette, and then utters, “Have you done packing already, my friend?”

“What was the meaning of his twirling?” I am baffled. Hence, I ask curiously, “Yap, it’s almost done. How was your day?”

“Extremely busy, man. I had to answer annoying phone calls all day. Believe me, Shogo, it was chaotic; it never stopped ringing, really, really, man. I even didn’t have a time to take a leak; I almost soaked through my pants, ha-ha-ha….”

Pause.

“Shogo, do you know what I’ve been thinking the whole day?”

“No idea. Fire it away!”

He brings out into open with an expectant smile, “You know, it’s a terrible idea for us to go to the farewell dinner tonight. Today is your last day in Mexico, and to be frank with you, I prefer vaginas, man. Why don’t we just cut the crap and go straight to a strip club tonight for good?”

“Idiot!” I exclaim. “Today is Monday, so every strip club has only a few unattractive vaginas. Besides, I have to wake up early tomorrow morning in order to catch a plane. Gerardo, think carefully about what you’re suggesting!”

“Oh my God! Son of a bitch, are you fucking gay? I know that there will be only ugly vaginas, but we should try at least, for today is the last day of your Mexican odyssey. Besides, I badly need vaginas tonight, you know…. Once you’re gone, I’ll have no one to invade a strip club. I only foray into a strip club when you’re in Mexico – that’s why I’m begging you. And also I know that you have to wake up early tomorrow morning; I’m not a dump ass, believe me. Thus, I’ve already hired a cab to pick you up at the apartment at 4:00 a.m. We should go to a strip club around nine and come back to the apartment by two. You see, I’ve already calculated everything down to the last details, my friend, ha-ha-ha….”

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