I Don’t Understand Anything

I decidedly did not trust him; I trusted my professional eyes and instinct. I am the first discipline of Ramon Garcia the pimp master; he has taught me how to distinguish from a good strip club to a sucked strip club. My eyes have been trained, and I have been educated how to reconnoiter a place at the first glance by one of the great pimp masters in our generation. All in all, thanks to Ramon, I now have the ability to sense an erroneous ambiance in a matter of seconds. My every single fiber had been against this God forbidden place since I sailed in. Unfortunately, Gerardo, Fernando, and Eloy had not been trained enough to perceive this wrong ambiance; they were scandalously pleased and ignorantly anticipating for dazzling vaginas to sweet their feet off, with a high spirit. I was indescribably vexed.

A good two hours had elapsed without any vaginas coming to our table. Gerardo was getting anxious and uttered with obvious uneasiness, “Shogo, I don’t understand anything. Why the hell haven’t any vaginas come to our table? It seems to me that they’re forever congregating around the same clients over and over. And to cap it all, I can’t see any beautiful vaginas, but only ugly vaginas. I’m starting to realize that I’ve made an unforgivable mistake, namely, trusting fucking Fernando.”

I lit a cigarette and puffed in the air. And then I replied in frustrated voice, “I’ve already told you that this place sucks, but you didn’t listen to me, son of bitch! I’ve suggested you a number of times that we should change the place, but you’ve headstrongly landed your Mexican ass on the sofa and refused to move an inch as stubborn as a mule. It’s fucking your fault, I tell you, man!”

“Easy, man, take it easy, man! It’s not my fault but fucking Fernando’s fault, man! So please stop yelling at me. My friend, you know how much I want to have a private dance tonight. I’ve asked Fernando and Eloy to change the place many times, but they said they can’t, for they bought expensive bottles of tequila. They can’t move till they finished them. The essential problem is that Eloy is a fucking table dance virgin, so he is just excited by watching naked vaginas parading around – he’s already turned on. Look at his fly, Shogo, it is widely open! Can you beat it? What a humiliating prick!”