I Am a Pariah Among Japanese

I went to my favorite café, where I can be at peace without being disturbed. Whenever I want to contemplate something important, I come here. As soon as I ordered coffee, I ascended the stairs to the second floor and found a table in front of a transparent window to sit on there pondering over their proposals. It is so strange that Jorgito and Ramon have offered exactly the same proposal on the same day. I am sure that it is not just a coincidence, but it is something. Can it be the sign from the heaven, perhaps? Who knows? But what am I going to do once I am in Mexico? Of course, I want to write my book there, but I have still no idea what my book is going to be like and how to begin. I did a little sketch, but it is nothing. Moreover, I can speak only basic Spanish, which I have never seriously learned in my past adventures in Mexico. Their proposal sounds wonderful to me though. I had focused on going back to Vancouver exclusively, so I had been totally blind and had been unable to see the possibility for writing my book in Mexico. Yes, I have good friends over there. If I stay in Japan, I will be dejected and will not produce anything worthwhile, because one must be happy and content if he wants to write a good book. Living in Japan makes me feel useless and an utter failure. Nobody understands what I am doing every day. I have been completely isolated and ostracized from Japanese society; I am a pariah among Japanese. Furthermore, it is a matter of time, money will be running out, and I will have to take a fucking job again. I have to avoid falling in such a humiliating situation again with all possible considerations. I do not waste my precious time anymore and do not feel isolated anymore. I am not a chip of wood; I am a human being with feelings. Therefore, I sometimes need friends to have a heart to heart talk with! Besides, it is time for me to do something to change my life radically and to do something worthwhile with my life. Maybe, it will be a good idea for me to stay in Mexico with my friends to enjoy my life and ruminate about writing earnestly for a while. But if I cannot find a job over there, what am I going to do? And how long am I able to stay there? Maybe, I have to think about unforeseen problems later. Yes, just go there and worry about them later! Can’t you see the bright side of your future? Think about how lucky you are, idiot! How many people on this earth are lucky enough to be offered such a wonderful proposal and how many people on this planet are lucky enough to have such wonderful friends: a few. You are a lucky bastard, Shogo! All my friends want me to write my book and help me to achieve my goal. The rest is depending on you. Yes, I want to go to Mexico! I must go there to change my miserable life into happy life, a chapter of my new life. I will learn a little Spanish, perhaps? It does not matter whether I can find a job or whether I can start writing my book over there; the most important thing is that I should not miss this golden opportunity. I do not know whether I will be offered such a wonderful proposal in the future; it might be my last chance. Yes, what are you waiting for? Are you afraid of taking a risk? What risk? You have been already doomed here, idiot! Mexico is your last option to escape from the inferno! Just make up your mind and do not miss the opportunity!

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