In Order to Witness My Misfortune

It was the twenty second of December, and I woke up as fresh as a young god. I was intoxicated the whole day since the morning, and a beautiful tune of whistling constantly came from my lips. It seemed to me that my condition of illness was somehow getting better. Since I began working for Williams Lea whorehouse, I had constantly had a diarrhea with blood. Lo and behold, I produced an immaculate turd in this morning. When I saw it, I could not help myself praising Almighty Lord with appreciating tears in my eyes, and I could not help reciting a prayer: “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted, amen.” However, I must warn you that this great prayer does not work before Japanese stuck-up cockroaches. Every time you show your humble side to them, they will take it as a sign of weakness, swell with pride, become contemptuous, and crucify you to the hell. I must confess that it was entirely my fault for allowing myself to humble before my mean colleagues. As soon as they saw my meek servitude, they started showering a fresh insult over me every single minute. Or the part of my ego had unconsciously craved exaltation, perhaps? – As Nietzsche said: “He who humbles himself wishes to be exalted.” At any rate, it did not matter to me today, since Gerardo and Jorgito were visiting Japan in order to witness my misfortune.

Made Me Cry Shamelessly

Whenever I recalled my wretched circumstances, I was depressed to the point of shame. I had already finished drinking coffee and decided to catch a train to go home. “I cannot understand how Japanese are able to exercise their meanness monstrously. I cannot understand how they can treat fellow Japanese, with so much maliciousness apropos of nothing. I cannot understand how they allow atrocious situations to keep going on? I really think that something was undoubtedly wrong with Japanese society. They need to change fundamentally and need to realize that we are not a cog of gigantic machine, but human beings with feelings. They cannot treat human beings like a chip of wood. I cannot accept their sadistic attitudes toward other human beings. They have to stop practicing their meanness; otherwise…,” my heart was screaming while I was waiting for a train. Unfortunately, this hostile sickness has spread to all over Japan like a plague for decades. I was so devastated, for I knew that Japanese contemptibleness was horrible and shocking – I had to stop their beastliness toward my fellow countrymen. On top of it all, I knew that I was right. However, I was powerless; I could not prevent them from Japanese low-down and dirty proclivity to abuse each other. This cold reality lacerated my heart, slapped my face, and made me cry shamelessly.


I Shook Her Hand off Repulsively

It was the last straw for me. I had to end the shuck and jive in this right instance.

“I’m not playing your stupid game anymore. I’ll make a call to confirm the transaction and beat the office for this right instance!” I said unwaveringly.

“You can’t do that, for this is your duty to complete the list as seemly as possible. I’ve always told you that making a list is not an easy job. It takes a time. And right now I need you to change the list and show it to me again.”

“No, I won’t do it. Do you know what I think of you? You are a pathetic dwarf, yes, you are downrightly a pathetic dwarf! If you don’t like the list, why don’t you make it yourself? Everyone has different tastes, and if you want to make it according to your taste, why didn’t you make it yourself at the first place? Enough is enough. I’m going home!”

With that, I was standing up.

She grabbed my left arm with both of her hands and shouted frantically, “You can’t leave the office till I allow. You haven’t finished your job, so you are not entitled to leave. Finish your job, I’m telling you!”

It was enough sappy jazz for me already, and I was so disgusted in her meanness to boot. I shook her hand off repulsively, as though I found a cockroach climbing up on my left arm, and I grabbed my jacket and bag, then I simply walked out the office while she was hysterically screaming behind my back.


No More Wasting Time

I was incensed with her rancorous performance. “She made me to stay because of fucking cheese? I have to call and ask them to change the list due to fucking cheese! And then I have to wait more twenty minutes for them to change the list to send me back. It is beyond ludicrous,” I thought to myself furiously. However, I decided to do what she ordered me, so that I wouldn’t waste any time for talking with the mad woman. I composed myself with my best forbearance, swallowed my pride, and made a call to change the list.

I received the new list around 6: 30 p.m. Nothing was changed except blue cheese and the total amount. “At last, I can beat the office!” I forced myself to look at sunny side. As I was about to make a call, once more the dwarf approached me ominously and said insolently, “Show me the list, Shogo san?”

I submissively gave it to her, so that no more wasting time. She brought it back to her desk and scrutinized it again. She ostentatiously took a time to examine it. And then she came back to my desk and hurled another bombshell, “Shogo san, I think you ordered too many potato chips. You need to change some of them to chocolates. You must change the list again. You’d better think what people like. After you are done with it, show it to me again.”


Cream Cheese Is Fine with Me

I received the list around 5: 30 p.m. I was ready to call the confirmation and beat the office immediately. As I tried to make a call, the dwarf was approaching me with her disgusting steps and asked, “Did you check the list, Shogo san?”

“Of course, I did. It was good combination. I’m about to make the confirmation call.”

“Can you show me the list?”


“Because I need to check it,” she replied snobbishly.

Her intention was palpable: she wanted me to do extra work. She always carped that I always beat the office as soon as my times up and never did any extra work. She wanted to torture me and knew that making me do extra work was the severest torture for me. I recognized her evil intention, so I said calmly, “I don’t need to show you the list, for I am charging of ordering snacks on this week. You marshalled me to do it, so I did. I need to make a call and finish the transaction right now. Please excuse me and let me do my job.”


“Shogo san, you still don’t understand anything. I’m controlling the general office; I am your boss, in a way, so to speak. In fact, I’m your superior. Consequently, when I ask you to show me the list, you must give it to me. Otherwise, you can’t make a call and can’t go home!”

With that, she snatched the list from my desk violently and took it to her desk. She took an infinite time to securitize it, circled an item with a red pen, and came back to my desk. And she demanded banefully, “Shogo san, you need to change it. You can see here – I circled it for you. We don’t need cream cheese, but blue cheese. Everyone likes blue cheese. You need to call them to change the list and send it back to us again, so that we can examine it again.”

“What? Are you in a right mind? Do you want me to call them to change the list because of a goddamn cheese? No thank you very much – I won’t do that. Cream cheese is fine with me.”

“No, Shogo san, you have to call and change it because it’s not so good. You should know that everyone likes blue cheese. You can’t leave the office till you change it. Make it happen if you want to go home,” she uttered bombastically and went back to her desk triumphantly.