A Solitary Interval

Mr. Virgin was totally dejected and did not snap stupid jokes anymore. He told us that he needed a solitary interval for a while in order to cure his emotional devastation, and he vanished into CP room gloomily. What is more, he gave Kaita san all authorities to control the general office. He utterly stopped talking to us; he just sent e-mails when he needed to communicate with us. One day he sent us the bombshell:


Attention Everyone,

Today I feel that I should stop hibernating and should take a step forward. Today I feel that I must say something. I have noticed inappropriate behaviour at the general office recently. I want to change his behaviour immediately and want him to consider about the job more seriously. He is the solo reason why I have been forsaken and become a hermit. First of all, he should have never meddled in my private affair. Because of him, I have been spending lonely existence here. I have never felt so forlorn and crestfallen in my life. I do not want to say the name, but he himself should understand whom I am talking about. In addition, this person should not read books and should not visit unrelated websites during the office work. He should understand that when he has no immediate duty, he ought to come up with something useful for the office environment. And most importantly, he has to learn how to respect his superior. I will give you the website address, which contains the information how to behave correctly before a boss at an office. I need everyone to read it and understand the office behaviour, especially, the one who has been tormenting me to the hell.

The General Office Manager

Williams Lea Japan

Norio Ishida

Just Wanted to Be Free from a Farce

Two days had elapsed since the incident, and things had changed dramatically or worse I should say. Nakao san informed me that the dwarf had a bound and determined confabulation with Mr. Virgin and hurled the ultimatum at him. The most preposterous update was that she told him that it was my idea to warn him. I never said anything about Keiko san and never had any grudge for her, because I did not care anything about a farce. But according to Nakano san’s information, it was my suggestion, and I was the initiator!

Mr. Virgin had stopped chattering with Keiko san and taking her lunch with him at all once since the ultimatum. And he completely abandoned from training her and gave all authority to the dwarf for taking care of Keiko san. From that moment on, nobody could stop a forthcoming apocalypse. I had to witness the meanest acts, that the history has never recorded since the creation.

The dwarf became mightier and mightier each day and exercised her authority over Keiko san cruelly. Keiko san was not allowed copying documents unless she asked the dwarf’s instruction. The dwarf always lectured her same eternal mambo jumbo over and over, with unseemly arrogance. Furthermore, the dwarf never let Keiko san sit down but constantly made her stand up. She had to stand up even if there was nothing to do.

I was so angry with the dwarf’s churlish demeanour, but I did not say anything. I just did not want to incur the dwarf’s wrath; I just wanted to be free from a farce.

It Was Ultimate Shame!

“Golly, it was very unlucky for you, Nakao san,” I was pretending to be sympathetic and looking at the floor, so that he could not notice that I was almost ready to burst out laughing.

“It was beyond unlucky, Shogo san; it was ultimate shame!” he protested bitterly, “everyone was watching me, and I had to clean up the mess. But it wasn’t at all; when I spilled the cup of coffee over the floor, Keiko san said, ‘What are you doing, Nakao san? You should’ve asked me to pass the coffee to you. Anyway, you have to clean it up before the carpet will be stained.’ Stained? Can you beat it, Shogo san? And the worst part was that she didn’t move an inch and didn’t help me. I really wanted to yell at her, ‘Because of you, bitch! Because of you, I’m goddamn humiliated! You clean it up, fucking bitch!’ What’s more, I wanted to beat her up with a chair she was sitting, crashed her to pieces, and flashed them into a toilet. But alas, I couldn’t say anything and couldn’t beat her up because there were so many bystanders. Consequently, I dejectedly went to the break-room, took a mop, and cleaned up the mess by myself. Shogo san, we must do something for our situation and must stop Keiko san before another disaster happens. Kaita san and I have already talked about the situation thoroughly and reached the conclusion: We’d better give Ishida san the ultimatum – stop being blinded by the love and start behaving himself immediately. He ought to be realized that he is her boss, you know…. At any rate, if Keiko san already becomes his girlfriend, it’ll be troublesome. Anyway, I have to go back to the general office before anyone suspects that I’m here expostulating with you about her monkey business. And also I’ll let Kaita san know that you agree with our plan. By the way, this affair still remains a mystery to me, and I’ve been still wondering how in the heaven’s name Ishida-san could fall for such a monster, like Keiko san at the first place?”

With that, he gave me a slippery hose-wink and dashed back to the general office frenziedly without my concurrence.

I’m Not a Schoolboy

He went to the cooler box to fetch bottles of water and gave one of them to me. He drained it ferociously and exploded, “Shogo san, you have no idea. Today has been a hectic day from the morning at the general office. A number of documents are waiting to be copied and bound, so I was busy occupying with them. But alas, Keiko san didn’t do anything! She was just humming on a chair and everlastingly babbling with Ishida san. I thought it’s utterly inappropriate behavior, for I am indeed her superior. It has to be opposite, you know – she is supposed to copy and bind them; I am supposed to relax. Anyway, when I saw her laughing and chattering delightfully, unbridled rage assailed me. But I did my best to compose myself because I’m not a schoolboy. Besides, there were many secretaries at that moment, so I didn’t want them to see us bickering. And then I suddenly felt thirsty and desperately wanted to drink coffee. As you know, my desk is next to Ishida san’s desk – I put a cup of coffee on my desk. I wanted to drink my coffee so bad, but Keiko san was sitting on my chair and jabbering with Ishida san. I was so mad at her and decided to get the coffee at any cost, for it was my coffee anyway. I strode toward my desk with determination and tried to grab it carefully. But alas, my furious fingers spilled it over the floor, shit!”


Like a Possessed Swine

He whipped sweets on his forehead with both of his hands and disclosed his secret hatred toward her, “Shogo san, I have to tell you something. I think we ought to give Keiko san a wake-up call because she obviously misunderstands the job. You know, if she is with her friends and if she is on her private life, I don’t say anything and pretend not to see anything. However, Shogo san, however, we’re talking about the office decorum here. She always talks to Ishida san and do nothing. She is forever sitting on a chair and forever jabbering away. To cap it all, she thinks she’s already tamed him. It’s completely wrong for her part, because she is new and hasn’t known anything about the job yet. In short, she must change her attitude toward the work.”

I was a bit surprised because I had never seen him in such an infuriated state before. And I suspected that something must have happened in the general office; otherwise, he did not rush in CP room like a possessed swine. Therefore, I asked him without beating around the bush, “Tell me everything, Nakano san. I know something happened there. What did Keiko san do to you? Because you’re clearly riled.”

“What she did to me is unforgivable!” he screamed.