She Is an Angel

IMG_8438“Ha-ha-ha, idiot. I just said it because you, yourself announced you would be jogging every day after work, not me, remember? Anyway, please stop touching yourself. It makes me nauseated, man!”

“What is wrong with me to check Gerardo Jr. every five seconds? Is that against the law? I don’t think so, man, ha-ha-ha…. By the way, Shogo, look at TV. Oh my God, she is so beautiful. Her name is Sara Underwood. She is my dream girl. What do you think about her?”

“I guess she is okay and has a pretty face,” I would reply indifferently.

“What? Are you crazy? Look at her closely, man. She is an angel. I tell you, my friend. She is the most exquisite vagina whom my eyes have ever laid on. She has perfect tits and a knockout ass. To cap it all, she has the seraphic face. Golly, her ass, man, I simply can’t keep my eyes off her ass, you know. Yeah! A wonderful piece of ass – and also I can’t look at her without having tremendous erection, ha-ha-ha….”

Yes, Gerardo is very fine. He is everlastingly obsessed with women, and he has not changed a wee bit since the first time I met him ten years ago.

You Are an Artist.

IMG_8438Of course, he has never started jogging after work as he proudly announced. Every time I come back to the apartment from my night perambulation, the same scene is repeated. He always watches his favourite TV show, Playboy Mansion by touching himself. I should tell you here that he has a disgusting habit to touch himself, as if he could not do anything without checking on his stallion every two minutes. And I would say, “What happened, man? Did you jog today?”

He would denigrate insolently, “Of course, I didn’t, man. I’m so tired – you should’ve understood the reality better! I have to work hard to pay rent, you know. If I don’t work and just jog around Condesa every day like Rocky Balboa, who will pay the rent? Who will be taking care of you? I know you think that everyone ought to support you, nourish you along until you are recognized as a writer. You never think that you might take a job meanwhile. Oh no, it isn’t your way. You have important messages to contribute to the world, so you’re not supposed to waste your precious time. You are an artist. Well, downrightly you are, for all I know. You’re living in the totally different world, Shogo. But the rest of us have to work, man! Do you really think that jogging around Condensa is able to earn daily breads? Think harder about what you’re insinuating, son of bitch! Think twice before opening your stupid mouth, shame on you!”

They Hurt My Pride of Manhood

IMG_8438Several days later, he came back to the apartment, with full of bruises and cuts on all over his body after the first practice of American football. He turned on the light and shouted at the top of his lungs, notwithstanding it was past 1:00 a.m., “Heartless son of bitch! Are you sleeping? Couldn’t you wait for your friend’s return from the first practice?”

The sharp light made me wholly awake. And I shouted annoyingly, “Son of bitch! Do you know what time it is?”

“Ha-ha-ha…. Sorry my friend, I know it’s too late, but I need to talk and share my first experience with you.”

I calmed down a bit and said, “Don’t be sorry, I know you, my friend. And sorry for falling asleep. I was too exhausted due to writing. I wrote so many pages today and got a gratified head ache. Anyway, how was it going on? Did you enjoy playing it?”

He was looking at the outside for a while and revealed his shame by howling, “Hell no! What a humiliation! I didn’t understand why I chose this particular sport. Oh my God, Shogo, you can’t believe it. They’re too strong and huge! They knocked me down countless times as if I were a blade of grass. I didn’t expect that I was hurled to the sky so easily. They hurt my pride of manhood, you know, anyway. Look at my body, my friend. I got full of bruises and cuts on all over my body. Look at my right arm, Christ, it’s bleeding!”

 

I Really Need to Change

IMG_8438“I know, my friend, but listen to me,” he lit a cigarette and made clean breast of his conviction, “I really need to change. I really want to try something I truly love. I’ve loved watching an American football game since I was a little boy; however, I had never dared to play it. I have to tell you the truth. Because of you, Shogo, you’ve inspired me. Since you came back to Mexico City, you’ve written the book relentlessly like a blissful moonstruck. I thought I should start something I truly love, so that I could get the same zeal toward life as you.”

Pause.

“As you wish, my friend. By the way, I’m happy for you, because you’ve finally started doing what you really love,” I drunk a cold Fresca and asked, “how many days are you going to practise it a week?”

“Thanks, my friend. I’m so excited,” he smiled and gushed with pride, “I’m going to practice it twice a week from 10:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. I know it’s too late, but I have no choice, because other teams are using the ground. Furthermore, I swear to my sweet Jessica, I’ll start jogging around Condesa after work every day. As you correctly observed, my legs are not strong enough right now, but in a month, you won’t recognize me, for I’ll be as strong as Clerk Kent, ha-ha-ha….”

 

It’s Sheer Suicide, My Friend

I was so astonished by his foolishneIMG_8438ss and admonished, “Idiot, are you out of your mind? Do you really think that you can play American football? Look at yourself, man! You are as weak as a sad autumn fallen leaf. And on the top of it all, your legs are as thin as chop sticks. They’ll smash you as if you were a tiny cockroach. It’s sheer suicide, my friend. Do you really think that you’re able to compete with strong muscle dicks? For the love of God, please consider it again!”

“Shout up, man! Do you really think that I’m not strong enough to withstand their tackles? You’ll see how strong I am. You won’t believe in your own eyes how I’ll knock muscle son of bitches about like ninepins. Indeed, I can brow them into the thin air by a single fart, as if a cannonball blasted right beside them, so to speak. You’ll see, my friend!”

“Okay, okay, cool down, idiot. If you say so, I’m not going to stop you. Anyway, how much did you pay for all equipment?”

“I paid seven thousand and five-hundred pesos.”

“What? It’s too expensive, man!” I exclaimed.