Can You Comprehend That Guy?

“Shogo, I’m not talking about just enjoying dancing with and touching beautiful vaginas; I’m talking about enjoying life. I like to go to Excess with you or my friends because we can talk and have a wonderful time together, you know. I like to go there to enjoy time with my friends, which is the main point; however, fucking Luis doesn’t recognize such sorts of enjoyment obviously. Moreover, you know, it’s very difficult for us to have sex with beautiful women and have a relationship with them. We might have a chance to have a relationship with extremely beautiful women, but it is one out of million in one’s lifetime. Of course, it’s easy for us to have sex with ordinary beauties. What I’m trying to say is that those kinds of places give us fantasy, you know. It’s sometimes good for us to go to Excess to forget everything and just enjoy the moment fully like a child, you know.”

I nodded with bewilderment, “Of course, my friend, you are right. I like to go there not only for dancing, but in order to have fun with my friends. But seriously, why doesn’t Luis want to go to a whore house to enjoy women? I sincerely don’t understand him. Why has he triumphantly protected his virginity since he was born, as if being virgin shined his virtue elegantly? Maybe, only heaven knows why he is extremely stubborn as a mule. It’s not healthy for him to be virgin such a long time, you know. It doesn’t matter if he’s lost his virginity to a whore or an ordinary girl: The essential thing is that he has to enjoy women sometimes.”

He affirmed and cried out, “Exactly, my friend! He has to enjoy women. Son of bitch’s small brain can’t comprehend such kinds of things. Do you know why he always does things opposite from everyone? Because he thinks it’s cool to do opposite things from us – it makes him special and unique. Can you comprehend that guy? For example, we went to Cuba three years ago. We were five people, including fucking Luis. Shogo, you can’t imagine how easy it is to get laid in Cuba. Very easy, man. Just go to any night club, and girls will surround you, waiting to be chosen. I stayed there for three days, and I fucked girls every night. Believe me, it’s a piece of cake. You must go to Cuba because you are in Mexico right now. It’s very cheap to go there. We must go there together, and I assure you that you’ll get laid every night, my friend.”


Twenty-Seven Winters Are Behind Him

“Gerardo, as you said, he had no friends and had been constantly alone, so he might not know how to interact with friends and might not know how to build a friendship because he had been alone till he was twenty-two years old. It was too much to be alone, you know. And despite everything, he is your friend, so why don’t you give him another chance?”

“No, man, I won’t invite him anymore!” he was getting emotional and spit two times on the floor vehemently. And then he said, “Shogo, you don’t know him as I do. Sorry to say, but it is the truth. You know, he always asks me to invite him when I have some plans, but he always does diametrically opposite things from everyone whenever we go out. For instance, he always refuses every time I invite him to go to Excess. Why, man? Only heaven knows what is in this disgusting son of bitch’s head. Everyone likes Excess, and we have to enjoy life, you know. Believe me, he is virgin and has never had single girlfriend in his entire life. Of course, he is shy, and nobody likes his hairy body – he must be the descendant of an orangutan, ha-ha-ha. Shogo, twenty-seven winters are behind him – he is twenty-seven years old now. Can you believe that he is still a virgin and refuses to go to Excess to touch beautiful vaginas? What an asshole! You know, what he said to me once I invited him to Excess – he said he doesn’t want to waste his time and money; those kinds of places have the power to ruin family! Can you believe that hairy prick? I got angry, man.”

“What was your response?”

He lit a cigarette afresh and replied indignantly, “Son of bitch! I said to him right to his face. Those kinds of places even existed in Jesus’ time as well, and Jesus himself let Mary Magdalene wash his feet with her hair – obviously, Jesus had a special affection toward a whore. But fucking Luis wasn’t moved by my words and simply said he didn’t want to become degenerated. What a conceited and obstinate bastard he is! Jesus showed us that even a whore is able to have a pure heart. He hasn’t learned anything from history, that hairy, bespectacled orangutan!”

Why Such Arrogance?

He lit a cigarette and carried on, “You know, Shogo, he couldn’t find a job for nine months, can you believe it? Anyway, I thought he is my friend, so I should help him. In this manner, I talked to my boss about him and begged him to find a position for him. That’s how he got his position. But he doesn’t care about my effort either. He assumes he has excellent qualification for the job and has an excellent ability to fit in the position – that’s why he is being hired. Arrogant son of bitch will never know the truth, pafi! Whenever I ask him for a small favor, he acts insolently. Why such arrogance? I’m asking the small favor as a friend. Just as I’m asking him for one call – that’s all. But alas, fucking Luis has started behaving condescendingly and has never made a call, the same excuse all the time. I don’t understand him. Why the hell does he behave loftily whenever I ask him a small favor? I simply can’t comprehend him. Shogo, in Jesus’ name, please tell me why he’s behaving like this, I beg you? I’ll never invite him anywhere!”

I was astonished by his tirade, because I had never seen him talking so vehemently and aggressively toward someone. I thought that he probably had more reasons to attack him violently, so I decided not to contradict him and replied cautiously in order to know what was bothering his heart.

He Has A Very Strange Character

He smiled warmly, “It’s my pleasure. Shogo, you don’t need to thank me since you’re my friend. I am very happy that you’re staying at my apartment, and you can stay at my apartment as long as you wish. As I told you, I have some friends, but I have only a few real friends whom I can trust with all my heart, my brothers (Jorge and Javier), Luis, and you. It’s very difficult to find good friends, too. But I am lucky because I have true friends and thank God for that. Shogo, I hope that next year I’ll find a good girlfriend, and everything is going to be ducky.”

I nodded, “I hope so, my friend.”

“I wish you could find a good girlfriend, and for me, that I can start writing a book. Next year will be a decisive year for us.”

“Yeah, I think so, I really hope so…. Shogo, you want another coke? I am little hungry, I’m thinking we should order pizza.”

“Idiot, you just ate dinner at the apartment, ha-ha-ha…. Anyway, I like pizza. Let’s order them.”

He called a waiter to order them.

I inquired, “How is Luis? I haven’t seen him for a while. Why didn’t he come to the party last Friday? Has he been busy?”


His face became serious and replied, “Shogo, of course, he wasn’t busy. He has nothing to do, man. He doesn’t have friends. He is always alone.”

“Why then, didn’t he come to the party?” I was perplexed.

“Because I didn’t invite him.”

“Why, Gerardo? He is one of your best friends, and you said you can trust him, so what happened?”

He lapsed into his thoughts for a while. And then he replied, “Nothing special, man. I just don’t understand him sometimes, you know. He has a very strange character and is a very weird person. You know, Shogo, he’d had no friends before I met him. We were attending the same university then. After we became friends, I introduced all my friends to him. I introduced you to him as well, remember? All the girls, who he knows, are my friends. I’ve introduced them to him. I’m not saying he has to appreciate me for introducing my friends to him. I don’t care about such trivial things because he is my friend; however, I simply don’t understand why he behaves condescendingly to me whenever I ask him a small favor. He had been totally alone before I met him. Believe me, he had no friends, and he had been alone in his whole life.”


“I have a Brazilian friend whom I don’t like. She is Maria’s friend – Maria asked me to take her out in order to show her around Mexico, so I’ve become her acquaintance. I don’t care about her, but Maria asked me, you know…. Anyway, one day I introduced Luis to her, and they’ve become quite good friends to each other. This Brazilian vagina has an American friend who is beautiful. And I like her so much, so I asked him to call her to invite the American vagina to go out with us somewhere. But he never calls her to ask. I asked him why he hadn’t called her yet, and he replied to me insolently that he has been busy lately, and as soon as he has spare time, he’ll call her. Busy? He’s never busy, my friend. Believe me, he has nothing to do every day. His life simply consists of coming to work and going home, that he does every day faithfully. He has a lot of time, I know, but why can’t he do a small favor that I ask? As God is my witness, I’ve been a good friend to him and have always helped him.”

I Can’t Change My Feelings So Fast

We arrived at Kings Pub. There were few people due to it being Sunday night. We found a table in the middle of room and ordered our drinks. “Here is a very nice place, my friend. I like it here. Good music, amiable ambiance, and nice food,” I said.

“Yes, I like it here, too.”

He drank a glass of beer and said reminiscently, “You know, Shogo, this year has been very bad for me. As a matter of fact, no good things have happened to me. I haven’t met any interesting girls in this year either. I often ask God why, but He doesn’t answer anyway…. Remember my last girlfriend? We went to Veracruz together last summer where we enjoyed rafting and rowed like Trojans, ha-ha-ha…. I broke up with her six months ago, since then I haven’t gotten laid. It isn’t healthy, you know. It makes the invoice maker’s heart ashamed. That’s why I got angry when I discovered you went to Excess without me, ha-ha-ha….”

I asked, smiling, “Why did you break up with her? I know you’re not in love with her, but you said you just want to have a good time and have a good lay. She is a real fuckeree, isn’t she?”

“Oh, Shogo, you can’t imagine how she moves her ass,” he replied reminiscently, “she is the best fucker I’ve gone to bed with in all my life. Really, really, believe me. Having sex with her is amazing, like ascending to God’s mansion. You know, she is a real bitch. I simply loved having sex with her – that’s all, man. I didn’t love her, but I loved her vagina too much; I worshiped her vagina. As a result, I consecrated my prick to her, as Christians offer their sacrifices, ha-ha-ha. The problem is that she never gets enough, you know, that vagina! I fucked her five times whenever I was in bed with her. Five times per night is required if you want to have sex with her. It’s too much, isn’t it? Anyway, she cheated on me many times. I knew she cheated on me and asked her directly without beating about the bush; however, that vagina denied everything and lied to me a million times. And on top of it all, she cheated on me right to my face without batting an eye. I can’t believe women, you know. How could she do that? Five days after breaking up with her, I went to a festival with Luis. There I saw her with a guy, and as soon as she saw me, she started kissing the guy and grabbing his hands in order to let him touch her ass. She wanted to make me jealous – it’s too obvious. Can you beat it? How? Shogo, just five days after breaking up, she kissed another guy. I can’t understand vaginas. For me, I can’t change my feelings so fast. You know, it takes time for me to move on, but, vaginas, they move on very fast as if I didn’t exist to them. Modern women don’t have any conscience and don’t have any decency. They just want to enjoy the moment, my friend, that I am as sure of as God’s sunrise.”

“Ha-ha-ha…. I thought she is very nice person anyway. It had been one of the worst years of my life before coming to Mexico. After coming here, everything is satisfactory with me. Thanks for helping me, my friend. I really appreciate.”