My Heart Is in the Right Place

Gerardo and I are coming from Antara Polanco, where we watched a movie because we can watch movies cheaply every Wednesday there. He is driving the car and suddenly asking me, “Have you done your mission?”

“What kind of mission? Do I have a new mission?”

“Of course, man! You have a very important mission. You have to ask Andrea out to obtain some information. I want to know what she likes because I’m planning to buy a Christmas present for her. And I want to go out with her again, man!”

I am laughing, “Again, idiot! I’ve been out with her and gotten some information for you a couple of times already; I have asked her out three times past two weeks. We went out together two times, but you didn’t make any move, idiot! What else do you want from me? If you like her so much as you said, why don’t you ask her out by yourself? My mission is over!”

“What? Son of bitch! I let you stay at my apartment free; I’m feeding you. You want me to throw your mattress out from the window? Do you want to sleep on the street tonight? Ha-ha-ha…. I’m asking you a favor, man. Just ask her out again and go somewhere together to get more information. Tell her about my good things – tell her how pure I am. Tell her that I’ve never cheated on any women in my whole life, because she thinks I always change girls and have never fallen in love with anyone sincerely. No, my friend, tell her about Maria – tell her how I was passionately in love with her and how faithful I was. You know about all my love affairs. Just let her know I am a good person. Tell her I’m very pure, and my heart is in the right place.”

“Ha-ha-ha, idiot! Okay, I’ll do it again. I’ll obtain more information from her and try to tell her about your pure side as you wish, ha-ha-ha…. But I don’t get it; why don’t you ask her out by yourself, my friend? You’d better make your move before it’s too late. I’ve already told you that she likes you and wants to do something with you. What are you waiting for? It’s easy for me to ask her out and go out with you together, we three of us. But why don’t you go out with her without me? Why do I have to go with you all the time? Don’t be pussy, man. You just have to go out with her alone and make a move – that’s all, man!”

“Shut up, man! I am very slow. I have a plan. I’m just following my strategy. I want to give her a Christmas present; that will be my first move, my friend. Therefore, I need you to go somewhere with her to obtain some clues of what she likes. I need some ideas for the present. Understood, Shogo? And I don’t know how you always do it, but she thinks you are very pure and a good person, so she somehow trusts you. Consequently, if you tell her about my pure personality, she’ll believe everything, that I am perfectly sure of, my friend. You have the ability of making women believe you are very pure, son of bitch!”

“Ha-ha-ha, of course, I am very pure as John the baptizer. It’s the fact, my friend. Anyway, I’ll do what you’ve asked for.”

“Thanks, my friend. But, Shogo, you are not pure. I still can’t believe how you could say that. You are crude son of bitch, I know you, man. How about Elaine, man! I can’t believe you are in love with her. I know she is very beautiful, funny, and a nice person, but she is a whore to boot. How can you let yourself in love with a whore? Are you crazy? Why Shogo? Tell me why on earth you’re choosing her over Mexican vaginas? I know some of them are in love with you and want to do something. Why Elaine?”

“Watch out your foul mouth, man! She is very nice – I always have a good time when I see her. Right now I don’t want to have a girlfriend, as you know, because of my mission as a writer. I want to concentrate on writing. I don’t need any distraction.”

He lights a cigarette and says, “Shogo, I know you don’t want to have any girlfriends right now, but how about Elaine? Here are your exact words: ‘I don’t want to fall in love with any women and don’t want have any girlfriends.’ But you are in love with her.”

Pause.

“That’s the different matter totally, my friend. I am in love with her, but not the ordinary way if you understand what I’m talking about. I am in love with her spiritually. I understand the spirit of a whore. She is my sweetheart; she is not my girlfriend. That’s the huge difference, Gerardo.”

“Ha-ha-ha, maybe, maybe, if you say so.”

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