I am thinking to myself that what a perfect time I spent there, and how I felt so contented in Acapulco by being surrounded with my friends while strolling around the park wistfully. How courageous I was and how strong my faith in life was three years ago. Now I am devoid of any enthusiasm in life and cannot see how I can escape from my helpless tribulations. Now I am in exactly the same desperate situation as Jorgito is in. I know that I should quit my job, so that I can be dedicated to my writing and can spend all my time on it; nevertheless, I am now like Jorgito. I am so worried about stupid money because, without money, I cannot go back to Vancouver and cannot find a place to stay there. Why do I just quit my job and buy a flight ticket for Vancouver? It seems so easy to me, the idea itself, but I am afraid of taking a step, because I know if I do that, in two months, I will be destitute. I want to quit my job, but my circumstances cannot allow it, which has completely become my dilemma. And I have been suffering from it unbearably.
If one wants to follow his destiny and make his dream come true, he must not be afraid of being different from others. As a matter of fact, he does not have a time to think about status quo or such nonsense since he needs to prepare for his destiny. Unfortunately, the herd instinct has spread all over the world more than ever nowadays. We are heading the wrong directions, and the present world is collapsing. And dangerous sign is everywhere and it is discernible; however, people do not notice anything as if they were blind. Now is the time for us to think about a new ideal: individualism. Actually, individualism is not a new ideal, many great artists have preached it throughout the history, but only a few individual have listened. Hesse vividly depicted the people who are marked:
Although we might not have been able to express it, we all felt distinctly that a few birth amid the collapse of this present world was imminent, already discernible. Demain often said to me: “What will come is beyond imagining. The soul of Europe is a beast that has lain fettered for an infinitely long time. And when it’s free, its first movements won’t be the gentlest. But the means are unimportant if only the real needs of the soul – which has for so long been repeatedly stunted and anesthetised – come to light. Then our day will come, then we will be needed. Not as leaders and lawgivers – we won’t be there to see the new laws – but rather as those who are willing, as men who are ready to go forth and stand prepared whenever fate may need them. Look, all men are prepared to accomplish the incredible if their ideals are threatened. But no one is ready when a new ideal, a new and perhaps dangerous and ominous impulse, makes itself felt. The few who will be ready at that time and who will go forth – will be us. That is way we are marked – as Cain was – to arouse fear and hatred and drive men out of a confiding idyll into more dangerous reaches. All men who have had an effect on the course of human history, all of them without exception, were capable and effective only because they were ready to accept the inevitable. It is true of Moses and Buddha, of Napoleon and Bismarck. What particular movement one serves and what pole one is directed from are matters outside one’s own choice. If Bismarck had understood the Social Democrats and compromised with them he would have merely been shrewd but no man of destiny. The same applies to Napoleon, Caesar, Loyola, all men of that species in fact. Always, you must think of these things in evolutionary, in historical terms! When the upheavals of the earth’s surface flung the creatures of the sea onto the land and the land creatures into the sea, the specimens of the various orders that were ready to follow their destiny were the ones that accomplished the new and unprecedented; by making new biological adjustments they were able to save their species from destruction. We do not know whether these were the same specimens that had previously distinguished themselves among their fellows as conservative, upholders of the status quo, or rather as eccentric, revolutionaries; but we do know they were ready, and could therefore lead their species into new phases of evolution. That is why we want to be ready.”