Everlasting-Quitting-Business Message

When I finished reading his message, I burst out laughing with tears in my eyes because I understand perfectly how he felt when he wrote this message. I am always happy when I receive a message from him, because it makes me realize that far away from Japan, there is a man who feels as I do, thinks about life as I do, is trapped by the society system as I am, and on top of it all, has the same illness as I do: ulcerative colitis. I just cannot believe in such coincidences. Theses similarities are signs from God, perhaps? We suffer from the same foolish daily activities due to the modern society systems and from the same illness! And a wonder that he is Mexican!

Anyway, I am thinking whether he will execute his aim on this time or not, because as a matter of fact, I am accustomed to receiving this kind of everlasting-quitting-business message from him over a month now.

I Need to Be Free, My Brother!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI open the window in my small room to look up the sky and make sure that today is a clear sky; I want to stroll around the park so that I can be at peace and be relaxed. Before going out, I checked my e-mail inbox and received a message from my good friend Jorgito. It is a panic-stricken e-mail, actually to the point of desperation:


Dear Shogo,

Are you still alive, my brother? Are you still working? Have you quit your stupid job already? If you have not, I sincerely hope that you will quit your job as quickly as possible, so that you can enjoy your freedom and concentrate on your mission as a writer. I always remember our talks. Remember, Shogo, we always talked about the meaning of life, the society system, our adventures, beautiful women all over the world, Prison Break, and so on when you were in Mexico. I miss our talks and you so much. I am not gay, but I love you very much as a friend. But now I am surrounded by imbeciles every day.

I am writing to you at Starbucks, because I do not have any place to eat lunch in my office, where my stupid colleagues are everywhere talking about the fucking job. I hate my job and my colleagues so much. Today my boss is pressuring me too much again, and he told me that I have to work on this Saturday and Sunday, too. I do not understand why I have to work on the weekend. I am feeling like I am a nigger slave, shit! I really think that my boss is incurably retarded. I really want to quit my job, but people always say foolish things to me: “Why do you want to quit your job when you can earn a good salary?” “You have to think about your future more seriously because you are over thirty years old now” “Are you crazy because you have just started working here and actually have been here only for a month, but you are already thinking about quitting a job again?”

I think that mediocrities cannot understand our way of lives, my brother. I am so frustrated by the situation I am in. I am always agitated when thinking about a job. I really do not want to participate in this part of the world society system, do not agree with it, and do not want to be a slave. I just want to live according to my own system. You know, I am talking about the right system… because it is so simple that I just want to enjoy my life and work for myself.

I am really worried about my illness, because I went to a bathroom seven times yesterday and am having fucking diarrhea today. I really think that the irritated job makes my illness worse because of unbearable stress. How about your stomach? Still bleeding from your ass? Shogo, I am worried about your health, too. You have to quit your job before it makes your health destroyed incurably. Please do not waste your time. I know that you have a talent, so focus only on writing.

For the sake of my health and life, I swear to Lord Almighty in heaven, I am going to quit my fucking job as soon as possible, even after the lunch break! I mean it! I am not joking, Shogo. I will do it! As soon as I quit my job and become free, I will let you know. Because I need to be free, my brother! I do not need to have a boss, do not need to have a fixed schedule, do not need boring meetings, etc. Tell the truth, I am scared to death of quitting my job because if I do, I will not have any income. I am so worried about that. Honestly, I can no longer endure working for my company. I mean any companies. But the problem is always fucking money. I am feeling so confused and do not know what I am supposed to do! I just know that I must be strong enough to complete my mission! Shogo, please tell me what I have to do. I trust you. If you say that I have to quit the job tomorrow, I will do it. I need your encouragement!

Well, we must always contact each other and must always support each other. Do not forget your mission because it must be more important than anything else. Start writing your book as soon as possible because I really want to read your book. Hope I can see you very soon. Take care, my Japanese brother!

Your fellow sufferer,



Almost Suffocated with Loneliness

Monday is coming. Most Japanese hate Monday. It is a depressing day because it is the beginning of treadmill, which means that they have to start all over again and continue their tedious routines. But for me, it is the blessing day, because Monday is my day off, and I do not need to see my hysterical supervisor, who constantly makes my Benefit One life miserable. Just remembering her existence makes me mad, and every time her insulting words invade into my mind, I make a secret oath to myself: I swear in the name of Jesus, by the time I quit my job, I will have made her humiliated before my colleagues by dragging her around the office by pulling her hair mercilessly, amen!

On my day off, I always turn my irritating mobile phone off, because I do not want to disturb my freedom, and needless to say, I have no friends in Japan. I am almost suffocated with loneliness, because I have been alone for a long time since coming back here and do not have anyone to talk with. I am used to spending all my time by myself and have begun enjoying being alone. But at the bottom of my heart, I do not feel so alone completely, because I have good friends in Mexico who always send me messages to check that I have not committed suicide yet and who talk to me by messenger when I am online. It is good enough for me to know that someone far away from Japan is concerned about my circumstances, which makes me realize that I am not totally alone on this earth. It is so strange to me that all my best friends are Mexicans. Why I cannot find any single friend in my own country is a mystery to me. Because of my good Mexican friends, I have been in Mexico six times and have begun to love Mexico so much. I am pondering: Is it God’s way to educate me to perceive that there is the country where people are friendly, warm, and a full of life? Or is it God’s way to make me realize that I perhaps do not belong in Japan?

Drawn by One’s Goal

Hesse 3When one has a definite goal and knows of his mission in his life clearly, he is happy every day. He will wake up with singing every single morning, for he has to accomplish a lot of tasks. He will have self-satisfaction in the end of each day, since he is doing what his heart desires. He who has a definite goal is not be influenced and destructed easily by others, because he is concentrated on his goal and is drawn by his goal. However, only few people are strong enough to purse his goal relentlessly nowadays.  And unfortunately, only a few people have the strong courage to be drowned by their goals ultimately. But I have met a few people in my life who are like stars which travel one defined path; no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path. One of them is my best friend. Hesse explained the importance of listening to the inner voice and being drawn by one’s goal:

Both thought and the senses were fine things, behind both of them lay hidden the last meaning; it was worthwhile listening to them both, to play with both, neither nor overrate either of them, but to listen intently to both voices. He would only strive after whatever the inward voice commanded him, not tarry anywhere but where the voice advised him. Why did Gotama once sit down beneath the bo tree in his greatest hour when he received enlightenment? He has heard a voice, a voice in his own heart which commanded him to seek rest under this tree, and he had not taken recourse to mortification of the flesh, sacrifices, bathings or payers, eating or drinking, sleeping or dreaming; he had listened to the voice. To obey no other external command, only the voice, to be prepared – that was good, that was necessary. Nothing else was necessary.

Listen, Kamala, when you throw a stone into the water, it finds the quickest way to the bottom of the water. It is the same when Siddhartha has an aim, a goal. Siddhartha does nothing; he waits, he thinks, he fasts, but he goes through the affairs of the world like the stone through the water, without doing anything, without bestirring himself; he is drawn and lets himself fall. He is drawn by his goal, for he does not allow anything to enter his mind which opposes his goal. That is what Siddhartha learned from the Samanas. It is what fools call magic and what they think is caused by demons. Nothing is caused by demons; there are no demons. Everyone can perform magic, everyone can reach his goal, if he can think, wait and fast.

Once he said to her: “You are like me; you are different from other people. You are Kamala and no one else, and within you there is a stillness and sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself, just as I can. Few people have that capacity and yet everyone could have it.”

“Not all people are clever,” said Kamala.

“It has nothing to do with that, Kamala,” said Siddhartha. “Kamaswami is just clever as I am and yet he has no sanctuary. Others have it who are only children in understanding. Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path: no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path. Among all the wise men, of whom I knew many, there was one who was perfect in this respect. I can never forget him. He is Gotama, the Illustrious One, who preaches this gospel. Thousands of young men hear his teachings every day and follow his instructions every hour, but they are all falling leaves; they have not the wisdom and guide within themselves.”

My Inferno Period

Strindberg had suffered from his imaginary persecutors and created his punishment apropos of nothing. He called it, his inferno period. On the other hand, my inferno was real, and my persecutors were the worst niggardly creatures walking on two legs under the sun. Strindberg’s inferno period was in France; my inferno period was in Japan. I was destined to endure four years-nightmare, so that I can show the world how corrupted Japanese work environments are and how degraded Japanese have reached. God has given me the precarious mission to reveal Japanese churlishness to the world, and I obey Him like a humble servant. Thus, I hereby open my shameful wounds. Here we go!

It was on the middle of December, 2007, at Tokyo. I had been tormented by the meanest colleagues, that the world had ever produced yet.

I was heading to Tokyo Station, and violent gust of wind was constantly blowing on my face in order to remind me that I was in purgatory. Wintery blast chilled me to the marrow. It was a second years of my inferno period – I was hopelessly dejected.  Every time I saw gusty skyscrapers, the bitter loathsome feeling gnawed at my heart. While I was walking on a street of sorrow with my head down, my heart was screaming, “How long? Ah Load, how long do I have to endure my colleagues’ meanness?”  I had to witness wicked acts every single day at an office. In fact, I was almost reaching at the end of my tether.

I decided to go to a café to warm up myself before catching a train. After I ordered coffee, I found a table at the lugubrious corner and collapsed on a chair. I was exhausted body and soul. “I’d better quite this goddamn job before I am crashed to pulp,” I thought lamentably. I was enervated to be recalling how I let myself put into the shameful state of affairs. It had started a half and two months ago….