I just do not want to pretend to be someone else; I just want to be who I truly am every single day. However, it is so difficult for me to be true to myself because of the Japanese society system. If I decide to be true myself, I am perfectly sure that I will be fired immediately, and I cannot find a job anywhere. To get a job in Japan, I have to pretend to be someone else during a job interview and tell what they want to hear, but I do not believe any single word I utter, which is torture to me. It makes me unbearably nauseated to say what I do not believe whenever I get a job interview; however, I have to if I want to get a job.
Working for a company exactly the same pretenses are required. I should: pretend to obey every single nonsense that my supervisor says; pretend to do what I am sick of; pretend to talk with my colleagues about how to improve job environments; pretend to make a smile when I want to cry with humiliation; pretend to be doing something when in fact, I am doing nothing, because in Japan even if you have nothing to do at an office, you have to pretend to keep occupied with something, otherwise, your boss is going to scowl at you for doing nothing; etc. I just do not want to pretend to be someone else anymore, but it is impossible for me as long as I stay in Japan.